These kids have too much stuff. Too many clothes, too many toys...just overall too much stuff. It's everywhere. I try to organize but it ends up just piles of toys, books, games, etc. everywhere. There is a small room downstairs. It's really too small to be bedroom, but probably the perfect size to be a "home office space"... There are built in cabinets and a closet. I had it set up as a home office when I worked from home, but since then the computer has been moved out into the diningroom (mostly since the girls use it now and I want to be able to see what they are doing) and the room has become a playroom of sorts. Only, there are so many toys in there, no one can play. There's no room left.
My goal? Move all the toys from that room to the kids bedrooms. This will be a huge task though b/c I need to clean all the old toys and stuff out of their bedrooms in order to make room for this stuff. Their rooms are pretty clean so it shouldn't be hard, but it's just one of those things that is a pain to do. 20,000 trips upstairs....I am not looking forward to this task at all... which is probably why I'm sitting here drinking coffee and blogging instead of getting to work.
I think it also makes me feel a little guilty. I mean here we have ROOMS FULL of toys, games, movies, etc. and we are going out and buying more!? I have bags of more stuff in the basement hidden for Christmas. They will open a gazillion things that day and probably play with somethings one time before moving on to something else and really what about all we have now? Some of these toys I will uncover today they haven't seen or touched for months...and we are buying more?
But really...what's the options? No Christmas? Ack. Sorry kids, you have too much?? Nah, they don't understand that.
So I will clean all this stuff out and they will get a ton more in a few weeks, and that's that I guess.
Before!
12/4/08
12/3/08
A whole lota nothing...
I'm freezing. It's around 17 degrees outside and though the thermostat says 68 in here, I'm shivering!! Ugh. Brr...
I have got to let the scale thing go for a few days and stop obsessing over what I'm eating/weighing. That isn't healthy. I need to LIVE my life and not be so focused on food 24/7.
Today I planned on cleaning out the kids playroom and bedrooms, but DJ drove my car to work and the new totes I bought are in the trunk. Shucks. LOL Guess I'll have to wait til tomorrow! he he
I have that feeling like I want to crawl under a blanket and hide for a few days.
I have got to let the scale thing go for a few days and stop obsessing over what I'm eating/weighing. That isn't healthy. I need to LIVE my life and not be so focused on food 24/7.
Today I planned on cleaning out the kids playroom and bedrooms, but DJ drove my car to work and the new totes I bought are in the trunk. Shucks. LOL Guess I'll have to wait til tomorrow! he he
I have that feeling like I want to crawl under a blanket and hide for a few days.
12/2/08
Ack.
Why is it that it seems like I eat so much more when I'm blogging/tracking it all?? It seems like my mind focuses on food and I wanna just eat constantly. Am I crazy? I don't graze (or maybeI don't notice it) when I'm not tracking. I'm pretty certain I don't do it b/c food isn't the first priority on my mind. Hmm....
The last two days of tracking though have made me crazy and depressed and whale-ish feeling. WTH is up w/ that?? So what is the answer??
I do not want to be one of those 3 year post ops who have gained back 50 lbs...but I can't focus on food like this or I become obsessed and eating like a nervous baboon who has nothing else to do but make a gazillion trips to the fridge a day. Oy.
Surely, I can't be the only post op loon. Right?
Maybe I shouldn't enter it during the day, keeping a running total...Perhaps, if I just entered it all at night for a final "before bed" total??? I don't know.
I could maybe start with just being happy about where I am now and realize that 144 lbs is perfectly good weight for me.
The last two days of tracking though have made me crazy and depressed and whale-ish feeling. WTH is up w/ that?? So what is the answer??
I do not want to be one of those 3 year post ops who have gained back 50 lbs...but I can't focus on food like this or I become obsessed and eating like a nervous baboon who has nothing else to do but make a gazillion trips to the fridge a day. Oy.
Surely, I can't be the only post op loon. Right?
Maybe I shouldn't enter it during the day, keeping a running total...Perhaps, if I just entered it all at night for a final "before bed" total??? I don't know.
I could maybe start with just being happy about where I am now and realize that 144 lbs is perfectly good weight for me.
Picture Blogging....a Bust!
I may try again today...Yesterday was a not normal eating day b/c I was out shopping. Maybe I'll try again today. It was also brought to my attention that the daily plate totals may not be right...I dunno. I'll try again today and see what I come up with.
This morning I've had coffee and 2 small brownie bites. I hate you chocolate on my counter when I first wake up. DJ bakes these ooey gooey brownie bites and then leaves them on the counter. Ugh. So hard to resist. I ate two and vow to stay out of them for the rest of the day. I just made some bacon so I'm having 2 pieces of bacon too.
B: coffee, 2 brownie bites, 2 pc. bacon (the breakfast of champions :) )
L: Chicken Breast w/ a dab of Ranch
S: 1 oz cheese, 3 pepperoni, 4 oz. light fit yogurt, 9 ritz bitz peanut butter crackers
D:3 bittes of spaghetti and 4 bites of a baked potato--- I threw this up about 10 mins. later.
Later: 1 pc. peanut butter toast and 2 darn brownie bites. grrr....
The kids are home on a 2 hr. delay and driving me batty. I'm going to the doctor at 11 for these dang headaches. I'm alittle annoyed though b/c I have to see a new doctor...my old doctor who I loved ran off and joined the army... wth?? I have no idea. Anyway...I hope she's a cool doctor. It's annoying though to have to start over w/ all my medical history again. Blah.
This morning I've had coffee and 2 small brownie bites. I hate you chocolate on my counter when I first wake up. DJ bakes these ooey gooey brownie bites and then leaves them on the counter. Ugh. So hard to resist. I ate two and vow to stay out of them for the rest of the day. I just made some bacon so I'm having 2 pieces of bacon too.
B: coffee, 2 brownie bites, 2 pc. bacon (the breakfast of champions :) )
L: Chicken Breast w/ a dab of Ranch
S: 1 oz cheese, 3 pepperoni, 4 oz. light fit yogurt, 9 ritz bitz peanut butter crackers
D:3 bittes of spaghetti and 4 bites of a baked potato--- I threw this up about 10 mins. later.
Later: 1 pc. peanut butter toast and 2 darn brownie bites. grrr....
The kids are home on a 2 hr. delay and driving me batty. I'm going to the doctor at 11 for these dang headaches. I'm alittle annoyed though b/c I have to see a new doctor...my old doctor who I loved ran off and joined the army... wth?? I have no idea. Anyway...I hope she's a cool doctor. It's annoying though to have to start over w/ all my medical history again. Blah.
12/1/08
Food Blogging with Pictures!
First of all, why is it that the day I decide to food blog w/ pictures, my digital camera breaks??? Arg. I used my cell phone so the picture quality is terrible...but anyway....First, coffee....1 mug...half and half and 1 pk. splenda
Next a Venti Skinny Caramel Latte
Then about 3/4 cup of this stuff (similar to chex mix):
While shopping I got a Beef and Cheddar Roast Beef Sandwich at Arby's...I ate about half then 2 hours later ate the rest...Got sick.
OH and about half of this Pay Day Pro Protein Bar thru out the morning....
I'm a grazer. Yikes.
I hate this day of food blogging....I am way over on my calories and have grazed... Bad me. :) LOL Guess this is what we are supposed to learn huh. :)
Afternoon snack:
Pepperoni
Dinner:
Evening Snack: Sugar Free Hot Cocoa
Running Totals:
calories: 1374
fat: 61g
carbs: 134g
sugar: 54g
fiber:7g
protein: 71g
So there we have it. This was a PAIN. And as you can see I gave up taking my own pictures and googled images of what I needed. Anyway...there ya go! :)
Next a Venti Skinny Caramel Latte
Then about 3/4 cup of this stuff (similar to chex mix):
While shopping I got a Beef and Cheddar Roast Beef Sandwich at Arby's...I ate about half then 2 hours later ate the rest...Got sick.
OH and about half of this Pay Day Pro Protein Bar thru out the morning....I'm a grazer. Yikes.
I hate this day of food blogging....I am way over on my calories and have grazed... Bad me. :) LOL Guess this is what we are supposed to learn huh. :)
Afternoon snack:
Pepperoni
Dinner:
Evening Snack: Sugar Free Hot Cocoa
Running Totals:
calories: 1374
fat: 61g
carbs: 134g
sugar: 54g
fiber:7g
protein: 71g
So there we have it. This was a PAIN. And as you can see I gave up taking my own pictures and googled images of what I needed. Anyway...there ya go! :)
11/30/08
11/29/08
Odd Thanksgivings
So I am totally out of the habit of blogging and in a way I'm sad about that. I want to get back to it. Especially since I'm HOME...all the time... and there is only so much cleaning and laundry I can do in a day. For a long time I felt as if I shouldn't blog about anything that wasn't WLS related or something I couldn't tie into the "life after gastric bypass" theme. So what has that brought me? No posts. So from now on I'm blogging about my life... and trust me it will include all the stuff this blog always has, plus more.
So first let's talk about Thanksgiving.
Last Sunday we kicked it off at my Grams house. I weighed in that morning at 142. We ate. I was surprised actually at how much I could eat. (Though of course in the grand scheme of things...and compared to what I used to eat...it wasn't much....BUT for ME-- and my pouch/rearranged guts..it was more than I realized I could fit in there). Anyway... I felt pretty good and skipped dessert so I was A-OK. In fact, the next day I still weighed 142. Yay me.
Thursday was our next dinner and we actually had two that day. First my mom's house, then a brief stop off at his families dinner. At mom's, right when the meal was being served, I got hit with a migraine...(head exploding, temples pounding, gut wrenching headache) and ate barely anything, of which I promptly lost hanging over the toilet a few mins later. Ugh. Who gets sick on Thanksgiving?? Me. That's who. Oy.
I took some pills and tried to lay down before heading to DJ's families dinner but it was no use. The headache was there and making me quite nauseous. Once we got to his grandpa's house I picked at a plate of food...actually tried to eat twice but eh, I was pretty much over it.
It was a very odd holiday, for several reasons actually.
My little brother is at boot camp and my other brother was 3 hrs. late getting to Mom's for dinner. So I saw none of my siblings that day. When we arrived at DJ's grandpa's, his grandpa got a call that is mom had just died. Not to mention that half of his family didn't even show up at all b/c of drama brewing..ugh...and then my pukefest/headache....It was just a weird day.
Oh and Friday, I weighed 142. :D
Speaking of Friday... I got up and shopped. I found a few things but nothing I couldn't have gotten another day. It was still fun though.
So first let's talk about Thanksgiving.
Last Sunday we kicked it off at my Grams house. I weighed in that morning at 142. We ate. I was surprised actually at how much I could eat. (Though of course in the grand scheme of things...and compared to what I used to eat...it wasn't much....BUT for ME-- and my pouch/rearranged guts..it was more than I realized I could fit in there). Anyway... I felt pretty good and skipped dessert so I was A-OK. In fact, the next day I still weighed 142. Yay me.
Thursday was our next dinner and we actually had two that day. First my mom's house, then a brief stop off at his families dinner. At mom's, right when the meal was being served, I got hit with a migraine...(head exploding, temples pounding, gut wrenching headache) and ate barely anything, of which I promptly lost hanging over the toilet a few mins later. Ugh. Who gets sick on Thanksgiving?? Me. That's who. Oy.
I took some pills and tried to lay down before heading to DJ's families dinner but it was no use. The headache was there and making me quite nauseous. Once we got to his grandpa's house I picked at a plate of food...actually tried to eat twice but eh, I was pretty much over it.
It was a very odd holiday, for several reasons actually.
My little brother is at boot camp and my other brother was 3 hrs. late getting to Mom's for dinner. So I saw none of my siblings that day. When we arrived at DJ's grandpa's, his grandpa got a call that is mom had just died. Not to mention that half of his family didn't even show up at all b/c of drama brewing..ugh...and then my pukefest/headache....It was just a weird day.
Oh and Friday, I weighed 142. :D
Speaking of Friday... I got up and shopped. I found a few things but nothing I couldn't have gotten another day. It was still fun though.
11/19/08
P.S.
Read the post before this one first!!!
Btw, my weight started creeping up w/ the pain killers and the broken arm and the inactivity and the snacking... I was 148 lbs. (gain of 16 from my lowest!! eek!) BUT I re-evaluated and am back on track. 145 this morning...and plan on trying to stay between 135-145. 132 was too thin. :)
Btw, my weight started creeping up w/ the pain killers and the broken arm and the inactivity and the snacking... I was 148 lbs. (gain of 16 from my lowest!! eek!) BUT I re-evaluated and am back on track. 145 this morning...and plan on trying to stay between 135-145. 132 was too thin. :)
This is hard...
I have sat down here to write a blog for you all many, many times...but I sat and stares blankly at the screen. No words came. The blog slump started when I broke my arm...no I guess it was before that...When I couldn't talk in my public blog about things that weren't so public. Then the broken arm meant I couldn't type anyway...
Now here I am a few months later...with not much to say. I've made a few videos updating things (link in the sidebar) but actual blogging just hasn't happened.
For one thing my weight is becoming a non-issue. When I just eat normally and don't obsess (and stay out of the candy cupboard...I know, I know why is there even a candy cupboard...I digress) anyway, when I stay out of said cupboard I have no weight issues...at all. Wow...how is that even possible after all these years? I've always had weight issues! But, guess what? I don't anymore.
But wait (always the but wait...)
There are still issues with my weight. I don't weigh 277 lbs physically anymore, but some days I feel just as big. I don't eat an entire pizza alone anymore, but sometimes I overeat. I don't punch myself in the stomach anymore b/c I hate me and my fat gut that much...but there are times when I am not kind enough to me. There are days when I look at the scale and feel like 145, or 132 or 143 lbs. isn't "good enough"...and days when I feel like a blimp and blame the dryer for "shrinking" my jeans.
But then, there are days when I run laps around my kids playing outside, and days I accomplish a million tasks b/c I don't have to rest in between, I run up and down stairs and don't look for the closest parking spot. I find cute clothes in normal sizes, and sleep without my chest fat cutting off my air supply.
And on most days I realize that everything has been for a reason, and I am happy and healthy and that is what is important.
And so I'll live with my issues, and I'll take each day as it comes, knowing that right now, in this moment I am the best Amber I have ever been, and tomorrow I'll be even better!
Now here I am a few months later...with not much to say. I've made a few videos updating things (link in the sidebar) but actual blogging just hasn't happened.
For one thing my weight is becoming a non-issue. When I just eat normally and don't obsess (and stay out of the candy cupboard...I know, I know why is there even a candy cupboard...I digress) anyway, when I stay out of said cupboard I have no weight issues...at all. Wow...how is that even possible after all these years? I've always had weight issues! But, guess what? I don't anymore.
But wait (always the but wait...)
There are still issues with my weight. I don't weigh 277 lbs physically anymore, but some days I feel just as big. I don't eat an entire pizza alone anymore, but sometimes I overeat. I don't punch myself in the stomach anymore b/c I hate me and my fat gut that much...but there are times when I am not kind enough to me. There are days when I look at the scale and feel like 145, or 132 or 143 lbs. isn't "good enough"...and days when I feel like a blimp and blame the dryer for "shrinking" my jeans.
But then, there are days when I run laps around my kids playing outside, and days I accomplish a million tasks b/c I don't have to rest in between, I run up and down stairs and don't look for the closest parking spot. I find cute clothes in normal sizes, and sleep without my chest fat cutting off my air supply.
And on most days I realize that everything has been for a reason, and I am happy and healthy and that is what is important.
And so I'll live with my issues, and I'll take each day as it comes, knowing that right now, in this moment I am the best Amber I have ever been, and tomorrow I'll be even better!
11/11/08
So what now...
I've lost all the weight I'm going to lose.
DJ and I worked out all of our problems.
I passed my kidney stones.
My arm is pretty much healed and after a few more weeks of therapy will be pretty close to perfect again.
So what now?
Maintenance.
Keep the weight off.
Keep the relationship thriving.
Stay healthy.
Easier said than done.
Me today:
DJ and I worked out all of our problems.
I passed my kidney stones.
My arm is pretty much healed and after a few more weeks of therapy will be pretty close to perfect again.
So what now?
Maintenance.
Keep the weight off.
Keep the relationship thriving.
Stay healthy.
Easier said than done.
Me today:
10/28/08
Kidney Stones
I spent all morning yesterday in the ER passing a couple stones..According to the CAT scan there is one more sitting in my kidney... Bleck.
10/18/08
My first blog award! :)
Thank you Debbie from -ThroughThickAndThin for awarding me with my first blog award!! :) Thanks!!
Part of accepting the award is:
displaying the award
*linking back to the person who gave it to you
*paying it forward & nominating 7 blogs
*adding links to those seven blogs
*leaving comments on their blog telling them you gave them an award
*enjoying the award!!
Today I nominate:
Danyele who blogs at BecomingThe PinUpGirl Her blog is great and we were fellow sisters in pain a few weeks ago from some crazy surgeries! Hope your feeling betyter sweetie!!!
Mysti at MystisWLSAdventureBlog She is pretty new post op but doing great. Her faith is very important to her and watching her has helped my faith grow at times!!
Sharon at MySoCalledLife She has talked me back to reality a few times post op. lol Thank you! And btw, therapy? Best thing ever! lol!!
Susy at ABrandNewMe Susy is one of those people that you feel like you have always known :) Thanks for your friendship!!
Tracy at LosingItOneLastTime Tracy and I go way back...I met her about 6 years ago at LCF! I'm glad to see our hard work finally paying off!!
Michelle at ThwWeightIsAlmostOver Great blog!! Not just about WLS but about life..those are the best blogs IMO!
Beth at MeltingMama She keeps it real and cracks me up. I like her. :)
Part of accepting the award is:
displaying the award
*linking back to the person who gave it to you
*paying it forward & nominating 7 blogs
*adding links to those seven blogs
*leaving comments on their blog telling them you gave them an award
*enjoying the award!!
Today I nominate:
Danyele who blogs at BecomingThe PinUpGirl Her blog is great and we were fellow sisters in pain a few weeks ago from some crazy surgeries! Hope your feeling betyter sweetie!!!
Mysti at MystisWLSAdventureBlog She is pretty new post op but doing great. Her faith is very important to her and watching her has helped my faith grow at times!!
Sharon at MySoCalledLife She has talked me back to reality a few times post op. lol Thank you! And btw, therapy? Best thing ever! lol!!
Susy at ABrandNewMe Susy is one of those people that you feel like you have always known :) Thanks for your friendship!!
Tracy at LosingItOneLastTime Tracy and I go way back...I met her about 6 years ago at LCF! I'm glad to see our hard work finally paying off!!
Michelle at ThwWeightIsAlmostOver Great blog!! Not just about WLS but about life..those are the best blogs IMO!
Beth at MeltingMama She keeps it real and cracks me up. I like her. :)
10/14/08
HE can fix what's broken...
I found the following article and wanted to share... It felt so close to home and really spoke to me!!!
The Mender of Broken Things
by Pam Frey
10/05/2007 / Devotionals
As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How could you be so slow"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."
By: Author Unknown
I heard this poem years ago and just recently the Lord brought it to my remembrance. I have been going through one of the most difficult times I can remember. If I look at the circumstances of my life right now it would seem that all hope is lost and nothing can repair the damage done; a marriage broken beyond repair.
It seems that women are the worst at getting in God's way. We want to fix everything. Maybe it's just our nurturing nature. When baby falls and skins their knee, we are right there to fix it. Even when they get old enough to work some things out on their own, we still "try to fix it". And how many women are determined to fix everything "wrong" with their husbands? We really must learn that many times we simply get in God's way trying to help with ways that are our own. I have enough shortcomings myself that if I spent half the time concerned with asking the Lord to fix me, I would realize that God really doesn't need my help with fixing my partners shortcomings or anyone else's for that matter.
When I was a little girl I didn't take my broken toys to my daddy to fix. The only thing to do was hide them, hoping he didn't find out, because who knew what would happen if he did. You just never knew. Maybe he wouldn't get mad at all. But, then maybe he would fly into a rage and someone was going to be the object of his wrath. It usually wasn't me. I was the baby of the family. It was my mother, my sisters, or my brother, who took the brunt of my father's abuse. Don't quit reading here. This is not a gloom and doom message. It has a happy ending.
It's been a real challenge learning about how to relate to my Heavenly Father as a loving Father who doesn't fly into a rage because I blew it. It's taken me quite some time to realize that when I blow it and make a mess of things, I can go to Him and He will sweep me up in His arms and let me know that nothing is too difficult for Him. No matter how broken something looks, He is the mender of broken things; broken lives, broken hearts, broken relationships or whatever it is in your life that is in need of repair.
So many are hurting. So many with broken dreams, broken hearts, visions for their lives they know were God's Word to them that seem to be lying in ashes. Many are confused and not understanding why their life seems to be in a million pieces. I know, I'm one of them. Be encouraged today. Nothing is too difficult for the Lord. Often times we are trying to fix things ourselves. If we will simply take our broken things to God, humble ourselves before Him and lay them at His feet, He is well able to fix whatever we've broken. We must learn to leave them in His hands and quit trying to help with ways that are our own.
His whole purpose in becoming man and dwelling among us was so that He could fix what had been broken. Truly, nothing is too difficult for Him.
http://articles.faithwriters.com/reprint-article-details.php?article=3928
The Mender of Broken Things
by Pam Frey
10/05/2007 / Devotionals
As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How could you be so slow"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."
By: Author Unknown
I heard this poem years ago and just recently the Lord brought it to my remembrance. I have been going through one of the most difficult times I can remember. If I look at the circumstances of my life right now it would seem that all hope is lost and nothing can repair the damage done; a marriage broken beyond repair.
It seems that women are the worst at getting in God's way. We want to fix everything. Maybe it's just our nurturing nature. When baby falls and skins their knee, we are right there to fix it. Even when they get old enough to work some things out on their own, we still "try to fix it". And how many women are determined to fix everything "wrong" with their husbands? We really must learn that many times we simply get in God's way trying to help with ways that are our own. I have enough shortcomings myself that if I spent half the time concerned with asking the Lord to fix me, I would realize that God really doesn't need my help with fixing my partners shortcomings or anyone else's for that matter.
When I was a little girl I didn't take my broken toys to my daddy to fix. The only thing to do was hide them, hoping he didn't find out, because who knew what would happen if he did. You just never knew. Maybe he wouldn't get mad at all. But, then maybe he would fly into a rage and someone was going to be the object of his wrath. It usually wasn't me. I was the baby of the family. It was my mother, my sisters, or my brother, who took the brunt of my father's abuse. Don't quit reading here. This is not a gloom and doom message. It has a happy ending.
It's been a real challenge learning about how to relate to my Heavenly Father as a loving Father who doesn't fly into a rage because I blew it. It's taken me quite some time to realize that when I blow it and make a mess of things, I can go to Him and He will sweep me up in His arms and let me know that nothing is too difficult for Him. No matter how broken something looks, He is the mender of broken things; broken lives, broken hearts, broken relationships or whatever it is in your life that is in need of repair.
So many are hurting. So many with broken dreams, broken hearts, visions for their lives they know were God's Word to them that seem to be lying in ashes. Many are confused and not understanding why their life seems to be in a million pieces. I know, I'm one of them. Be encouraged today. Nothing is too difficult for the Lord. Often times we are trying to fix things ourselves. If we will simply take our broken things to God, humble ourselves before Him and lay them at His feet, He is well able to fix whatever we've broken. We must learn to leave them in His hands and quit trying to help with ways that are our own.
His whole purpose in becoming man and dwelling among us was so that He could fix what had been broken. Truly, nothing is too difficult for Him.
http://articles.faithwriters.com/reprint-article-details.php?article=3928
10/6/08
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