This is hard...

I have sat down here to write a blog for you all many, many times...but I sat and stares blankly at the screen. No words came. The blog slump started when I broke my arm...no I guess it was before that...When I couldn't talk in my public blog about things that weren't so public. Then the broken arm meant I couldn't type anyway...
Now here I am a few months later...with not much to say. I've made a few videos updating things (link in the sidebar) but actual blogging just hasn't happened.

For one thing my weight is becoming a non-issue. When I just eat normally and don't obsess (and stay out of the candy cupboard...I know, I know why is there even a candy cupboard...I digress) anyway, when I stay out of said cupboard I have no weight issues...at all. Wow...how is that even possible after all these years? I've always had weight issues! But, guess what? I don't anymore.

But wait (always the but wait...)

There are still issues with my weight. I don't weigh 277 lbs physically anymore, but some days I feel just as big. I don't eat an entire pizza alone anymore, but sometimes I overeat. I don't punch myself in the stomach anymore b/c I hate me and my fat gut that much...but there are times when I am not kind enough to me. There are days when I look at the scale and feel like 145, or 132 or 143 lbs. isn't "good enough"...and days when I feel like a blimp and blame the dryer for "shrinking" my jeans.

But then, there are days when I run laps around my kids playing outside, and days I accomplish a million tasks b/c I don't have to rest in between, I run up and down stairs and don't look for the closest parking spot. I find cute clothes in normal sizes, and sleep without my chest fat cutting off my air supply.

And on most days I realize that everything has been for a reason, and I am happy and healthy and that is what is important.

And so I'll live with my issues, and I'll take each day as it comes, knowing that right now, in this moment I am the best Amber I have ever been, and tomorrow I'll be even better!