On a roll

Work is fine. I'm glad I'm back. Everyone has been great and so I went ahead and picked up some more hours.

Got news today that my cousin/bff is pregnant with twins! Identical twins. :) I am so excited for her. It was a total fluke. No infertility drugs or anything. Just nature! She is nervous, which is normal, and her husband got laid off yesterday, so that sucks, but the babies won't be here until September so I'm sure all will be fine.

I am so much hungrier on days I work. Why is that?? Hmm.

My weight is still 143 lbs. I don't think it's ever going to change again!

My arm feels great too!


Day one back to work?


Everything was perfect and my arm gave me no trouble. :) I'm working another half shift today. It feels good to have some normalcy again! (Thanks for asking Danyele!)


Back to normal?

I'm heading back to work tomorrow. :) I'm ready. I'm ready to get out among adults again and have a reason to get up and get dressed. lol
I have spent far too many days this winter, waiting til 3 p.m. to shower and put PJ's right back on. I'm ready to have a life again. My arm feels pretty good. Probably about as good as it will get. The nerves are still weird. When it's cold it sends messages to my brain that its wet. Isn't that odd?? It makes me feel crazy when I reach down to dry it off and realize its just cold again.
There isn't much strength either, but I'm working on that too. The girls at work can help me transfer and I'll make sure to use my good side until the other side is super strong again. I'm sure it won't take long while working.
Classes start in about 8 weeks. I am so excited. I filed DJ's taxes last night and have the ones from last year too so I can apply for aid as soon as I get my consolidation paperwork. I am so ready. I know it won't be easy but I'm ready for the battle.
Going through the things I've gone through in the last two years have shown me that I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for. I can do more and be more than I ever imagined.
The kids are finally feeling better I think. We had strep, pink eye and the flu pass thru the house a few times. Oy! Gabe got shots in there too. It was a crazy few days, but it seems that they are all are medicated and on the mend now. I'll be glad when Spring gets here.
My weight is stuck solid at 143 lbs. and that is OK. I'm done stressing about it. If this is the lowest I ever get then that is ok. It sure beats 277 lbs. any day in my book!
I'm still trying to make exercise a habit. No excuses! I just need to keep moving.
Guess that's it for now! I'll blog and let ya'll know how tomorrow goes!


All my ducks in a row...

Yesterday, I was here

And I will look like this:

Until I am this:


Obama :)

I was so excited yesterday to watch Obama swearing in and all that jazz but omg I getting so at some people ... I'm seeing random status messages on MS and FB and other places that are just down right racist. It makes me angry too b/c some of these people I have known for years and never knew how they really felt. It is hard for me to just shake off as ignorance, when these people have spent time in my home, with my bi-racial daughter and our family... and it makes me wonder if they think these things about my Hannah. Racism is alive and well. I have known this...but when hits this close to home, and I am completely helpless, it makes me see that we live in a pretty sad world. I hope a change really does come, but right now I don't have much hope for some people.


(Week 1, Day 2--Couch to 5K)

I have never been much of a runner. Ever. I remember those yearly presidential fitness tests that our gym teacher would force us to do in school. It was humiliating to be the kid in the class who could barely do 1 chin up, only make it to the second knot on the rope, and last to come in after the mile run. I remember one year, in high school, huffing and puffing so badly around the track, that I thought for sure I'd die. One guy came back after he finished his mile and ran with me. You know the type... the ones who look like a gazelle as they run. They almost look at if their legs just sort of bounce off the ground as they fly through the air. He was that guy, and he cheered me on all the way to the finish. It was a nice jesture, but I felt so "less than" in that moment. This guy, runs back, cheers for me...and all I can do is think about how I wish the earth would open up and swallow me. I still don't know his motive. Was he being nice? Was he making fun of me in a passive aggressive sort of way? I think he genuinely was helping, but I was humilated. He was barely jogging beside me, and there I was, sweat dripping, out of breath, clomping down the track... I felt so heavy.
He ran like a gazelle. I ran like King Kong. He floated. I caused earthquakes.

Or so it felt.

Workout 1 was rough. I did it, but I screamed, I grunted, I yelled. I felt like that chubby 10th grader all over again. I was sure it sounded like I would crash thru the floor at any moment, to those downstairs beneath me. But shaking the house or not, I finished.

And I will finish again today. :)



It has been 1 year and 9 months since my surgery. Wow.

I guess it's only fitting that today I start a new chapter.

I am starting the couch to 5K program today. Why is my heart beating fast and my palms sweaty? Seriously, why does a commitment to exercise scare me so much? Probably b/c I'm afraid of failing more than anything. How can I not fail? Never start. But as Dr. Phil would say, "How's that working out for ya?" Not good.

So, it's time. I see that if I'm ever going to maintain this weight loss, I'm going to have to move, consistantly, and stop being a big whiner baby. Why come this far and still be flabby, and weak and depressed, and flabby.

I've got my eating under control again. Two full week of clean eating, water drinking, etc. The exercise is only going to improve my health even more.

So, the treadmill awaits, I've got the podcast downloaded on the Zune, and I am going to do this.

In a few weeks, I'll be running.

(This is an old journal entry from years ago, when I was doing Atkins for the millionth time....
I had the most amazing dream last night. And when I woke up, I felt even better because I knew it was attainable.

Sure we have all had the "cheating"dreams. You know the one where you are scarfing down 1/2 a cheesecake or diving into a table spread w/ every treat imaginable. These dreams always make me feel horrible upon returning to reality.

The dream I had last night was awesome though.

I was standing in front of my friends house and suddenly I decided we should go for a run. First of all, I don't run. I'd like to but can't. Well not until now that is.

I took off down the street. I felt like I was flying. I felt so light and with each step I felt so free. I ran and I ran and I ran. Never getting tired, never losing my breath, never having to stop to pant or get a drink of water. I just ran. NOthing stopped me. Nothing held me back.

Pure freedom.

I woke up and I decided I can do this.

I can run like that and it will happen in the future if I stay true to myself and stay true to this woe.

I know running isn't that simple in real life. I know it will take blood, sweat and tears to get to the point I was in my dream. But more than anything I want to feel that freedom.

Freedom from fat. Freedom from being bound by my weight. I know what I have to do. And by not cheating today I am one step closer to reaching my ultimate goal.

I will run and not look back.)



I was wondering around an old shutterfly account and found this photo today:
Christmas 2006

Christmas 2008


For comparison

The video of me singing Oh Holy Night in the red sweater... I was 150 lbs.

This is what I look like today:

Snowed In

We are snowed in again. It seems the last few years have given us a good week of dumping several inches (or feet) of snow on us and cutting us off from society. It usually is around this time of year.
So here are we are cozy, warm, playing games, watching movies, cooking...

I normally go into hermit/mom mode and want to feed everyone. What is that? Hibernation? Something like that. There may be something hardwired in my brain that urges me to "fatten" us up or something. I am fighting tooth and nail to not even go there!

It could be boredom too. Really you can only watch so many episodes of House or Grey's, clean out so many closets, download so many songs, play so games, and surf so many websites before you lose. your. mind.

The kids hit their limit a few hours ago and so I sent them outside to "sled". They were back in, in 30 mins... I fed them beef stew and hot chocolate and now they are sleepy from the cold and finally quiet watching "Kung Fu Panda" w/ Daddy.

So...right now... I'm cooking enough grilled chicken to last me for two days and also making some concoction of yummy goodness for them to munch on.

So yeah, the point to my blog. I could use this time to eat, but I'm choosing to stick with what I've been doing. I've got a good solid week of clean eating under my belt... Down 7 lbs. and feeling GOOD. No hypoglycemic issues this week, lots of energy, my skin looks better... I look and feel better.

I'm not willing to sacrifice that, just b/c I"m bored and snowed in. :)

For some good entertainment watch this:


A week of back to basics...

has put me down 7 lbs. :) Ah. Feels nice and shows that even at almost 2 years old, if I follow rules, I lose weight!


A few days into 2009...

I've been doing much better on eating and drinking water and behaving like a good RNY girl. It is paying off already. The scale isn't showing much, in terms of weight loss, but I do FEEL better and that is more important. I haven't had any hypoglycemic issues in the last few days of clean eating either. Imagine that?!

I will be uploading a video soon to YouTube since I haven't done a vlog in about a month!

Hope 2009 is treating everyone good so far!

We are potty training Gabey this week... Oy!