Today

It has been 1 year and 9 months since my surgery. Wow.

I guess it's only fitting that today I start a new chapter.

I am starting the couch to 5K program today. Why is my heart beating fast and my palms sweaty? Seriously, why does a commitment to exercise scare me so much? Probably b/c I'm afraid of failing more than anything. How can I not fail? Never start. But as Dr. Phil would say, "How's that working out for ya?" Not good.

So, it's time. I see that if I'm ever going to maintain this weight loss, I'm going to have to move, consistantly, and stop being a big whiner baby. Why come this far and still be flabby, and weak and depressed, and flabby.

I've got my eating under control again. Two full week of clean eating, water drinking, etc. The exercise is only going to improve my health even more.

So, the treadmill awaits, I've got the podcast downloaded on the Zune, and I am going to do this.

In a few weeks, I'll be running.

(This is an old journal entry from years ago, when I was doing Atkins for the millionth time....
11/25/04
I had the most amazing dream last night. And when I woke up, I felt even better because I knew it was attainable.

Sure we have all had the "cheating"dreams. You know the one where you are scarfing down 1/2 a cheesecake or diving into a table spread w/ every treat imaginable. These dreams always make me feel horrible upon returning to reality.

The dream I had last night was awesome though.

I was standing in front of my friends house and suddenly I decided we should go for a run. First of all, I don't run. I'd like to but can't. Well not until now that is.

I took off down the street. I felt like I was flying. I felt so light and with each step I felt so free. I ran and I ran and I ran. Never getting tired, never losing my breath, never having to stop to pant or get a drink of water. I just ran. NOthing stopped me. Nothing held me back.

Pure freedom.

I woke up and I decided I can do this.

I can run like that and it will happen in the future if I stay true to myself and stay true to this woe.

I know running isn't that simple in real life. I know it will take blood, sweat and tears to get to the point I was in my dream. But more than anything I want to feel that freedom.

Freedom from fat. Freedom from being bound by my weight. I know what I have to do. And by not cheating today I am one step closer to reaching my ultimate goal.

I will run and not look back.)