Happy Halloween!

Hey everyone! It's been too long again!

School is going amazingly well. I am getting awesome grades... all A's so far. I'm taking English, Chemistry and Anatomy. I will start clinicals in the fall. :) I am so excited.

Work is busy. That's all about all I say about that. That place and its drama is nuts. Always has been...always will be I suppose!

DJ and the kids are doing well. He's still laid off but we have all adjusted pretty well and are doing well working together as a team to get our goals accomplished!

Weight wise I am struggling a bit. I've hit my all time high (since surgery)... about 153. I can't stand it. I feel so bloated and I really need to refocus. It is tough with the crazy schedule though. I'm working it though!

I will be 140-145 again soon. :)

28 months

I figured it was time for me to hop on and give an update.

I'm in school full time for nursing and it is going well. I got my grades today for Summer quarter. All A's again! :) Fall quarter doesn't start for about 4 weeks so I have a nice little break. Work is going well too. I went ahead and took a bid job on 3rd shift. I love it. Though I don't get much sleep I am able to juggle the kids and their activities so I feel good about that.

My weight is a struggle right now. I'm all over the 140's and have to admit I'm not eating well. Night shift really screws with my meals and when I'm hungry and I find myself grazing a lot. Part of it is that I feel nauseated when I go without sleep so I find myself snacking on crackers to try to settle my tummy. The scale is close to 150. Scares me! Time to get a grip!!

The kids are doing well. DJ is still laid off, but is doing great as the stay-at-home daddy! Gabey and him are super close. It hurts my feelings a little bit when he cries for daddy instead of me, but at the same time, I am so happy to have a man who loves his kids and cares for them so well. I am blessed. <3

The girls are in 4H and so we've spent most of the weekend and today running and back and forth to the fair. It is so fun, but really hot today!! We came home this after noon to cool off and get a quick nap in before Hannah's style review tonight.

Guess that's all for now! ;)

Loss

I lost my biological dad this past weekend. He died suddenly Friday night. Here are a few of his music videos.

Wedding...

My little brother got married this past weekend. :)
Here are a few pics. Sorry about the glowing/red eyes.

Thank You!

Thanks to everyone who watched my videos and commented here and on YouTube. You guys have been awesome! ;)

Pictures of my journey at the end!

2 years post op!

Starting weight: 277 lbs.
1 year post op: 142 lbs.
2 years post op: 144 lbs.


Not too shabby! ;)

EASTER !

1st pic Spring 2007
2nd pic Easter 2008
3rd pic Easter 2009











The kids!

Almost two years post op....

In 5 days I will be 2 years post op from my lap RNY. I have maintained my weight pretty well for the last year and feel great. :) There is so much going on in life right now... and it's hard for me to get here to update a lot but I want all of my readers to know that I appreciate all the love and support you've given me over the last two years. This blog was a place of refuge and comfort many times during all those early changes. You listened to my ups and downs and offered support and no judgement. It was refreshing and therapeutic to come here daily and just spill my guts to open arms and listening ears, when in real life, so often we are surrounded my critics and haters. For that I am grateful. I feel like I have abandoned his blog and yet, it seems to be part of the process, as I've watched many post oper's end up in this very place. When I first came into this community of WLSers online, I was hopeless, helpless, alone and wondering if this last ditch effort at weight loss would even actually work for me. I spent endless hours looking at before and after pics, reading blogs, articles, searching for websites, information, anything.... wondering if it would work for me, as it had for them. I started blogging. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't hold back. That I would allow you all to see inside my soul... to see the real Amber, for better or worse, and let you all observe the change that I would go through, without reservation. I shared feelings and thoughts here, that I would never allow anyone in my day to day life to know about me. I posted unflattering before pics, starting weights, and my truest, honest feelings and you all embraced me. Now, two years later, here I am. At that place where so many of us find ourselves. The scale has stopped moving.... I've settled into a pattern and there isn't much to blog about. I weigh 140-145 most days. Some days I eat 1800 calories... other days I eat 1000 calories. Eating the right foods and making good choices is a struggle sometimes, but there is a built in governor and I don't binge like I used to. When I eat crap I suffer and so that is a good deterant. Healthwise I'm having some issues, but non-RNY related for the most part. I've been wearing a holter monitor for 3 weeks now b/c my doc thinks I may have A Fib. Very scary and I don't know much about it yet. I will know more when the results are in and I will be sure to update you all. I started school last week and it's going well, but keeping me super busy. I am also still working and DJ is still laid off, so we are learing a new balance in the house and I am trying hard to stay positive. It's hard to be away so much from the kids, and I am dealing with a lot of guilt. I know in the long run, its for them, but for now I won't lie. It sucks. I guess this is enough for now. See? I've become (or maybe I've always been... lol) boring. Here are a few pics from our weekend in PA:

Back to School I Go!

I start Monday! Eek!

The Meet and Greet is this weekend too. Wow... Lot's of stuff going on!

Weight: 140-145 every. single. day. :)

I keep meaning to come here...

I keep meaning to come here and post but I never quite make it.

I log on to check emails and a couple message boards, a few blogs and then make a mental note to update mine...Before I know it, an hour as passed, and my mind is wondering what I need to get done around the house before kids start tearing it apart again, I have to go to work, or I need to make supper, help with homework or go to work.

Yeah, I've been working a lot. And paying off bills, and trying to figure out where we are headed. Not to mention, get myself back in school and keep my body whole and healthy, raise 3 kids, keep a husband, and get all this accomplished with in 24 hrs each and every day.

Work has been a roller coaster. Drama upon drama. And then the whole... "we have so many hours available"... then the next day... "we are laying off"... then the next day, "we're short, will you come in and work 16 hrs?" It's insane, but its a job and it pays well so I'm staying.

School... The student loan process is making me crazy. I keep waiting for the consolidation to go thru so I can get more money and go back! Classes start in 10 days and I still don't know if I can go or not. It is going to come down to the wire. Of course, I can go if I want to pay out of pocket...but can I afford that with DJ laid off? /Sigh. Hmm, maybe work will call me in for a double soon. If not, hopefully my loans work and work fast... or I may not be able to start til June.

Kids- The girls have been playing outside everyday after school. It's good for them and for me. They run off their endless energy, get fresh air, have made a new friend w/ the girl whose family moved in across the street and I don't have to hear, when's dinner, 50 times before 4 p.m. :) Gabey is potty training and doing really well at it!

DJ and I are doing great. We went and spent the night in Cleveland on Monday for my birthday. We had a blast. <3>

Back Burner

I hear so many other post-ops talk about how once they are "x" amount of years out, food and diet takes a back burner in their lives and they don't eat, sleep, and drink WLS anymore. I can say that is sorta true for me, but really, I don't think I'll ever have a normal relationship with food. In fact, as the stress increases, I find myself pacing in the kitchen more. A bite here, a bite there... My weight is staying exactly the same, but I still feel out of control. Mostly b/c for the month of January I ate on plan, healthy and felt good. Now, back to work, it seems I have no time to plan, I just grab the first thing I see and eat it. At work, I drink a pot of coffee w/ a protein shake added in for creamer...Then home at 2 p.m. where I graze until dinner, which I pick at b/c I'm full from grazing... then from 6-8 I pick...a bite here, a bite there... fill the pouch, empty the pouch, repeat. Blah.
I'm not gaining weight. I'm not losing weight. I'm still 144, no matter what it seems. But I realize this way of eating will catch up to me eventually. So, I need a plan.
My head feels like I am on mental overload though. Work is so draining physically and mentally. I lost a resident this week, and then there is always on the job drama that is stressful... When I come home then I face the stress here... hoping and praying the kids are ok, the homework is getting done, the kids are making it to all their activities and not getting neglected in anyway by me being at work all the time. DJ is a great house dad, but the mom in me still worries and can't let go of that underlying feeling, that I'm still totally responsible for keeping the house up, even if he is the one home right now. I am constantly making lists and trying to make things easier on him. I plan out our dinners for the entire week, shop and have it laid out for him. I'm trying to juggle it all. So far I haven't dropped anything but every day I feel on edge...like one false move and the house cards will crash.
I'm trying very hard to keep up on my vitamins and I have new ones that will be here Tuesday. They are by the company multigenics and I feel more energy when I take those as opposed to a Centrum or something similar. I need them right now. I can't let my health suffer b/c of the busyness of my life right now.
So I guess that's my update.

Better

I'm working a lot but I'm doing better! I was even down a pound this a.m. I'm ok! :) Thanks for checking on me, commenting and supporting me! xoxo!

I'm struggling...

It's sad when you get to this point post op and you realize that old habits die hard. All the emotional stuff is taking it toll on me and I have turned to my old bff food. I'm ashamed to admit it but its the truth. I have to get a grip. That is all.

Getting into the groove..

Yesterday was Valentine's Day...

I woke up at 4:14 a.m... a good half hour before my alarm. My body is used to getting up around that time now and of course, I can't stay awake past 9 in the evenings. Anyway, I got up and made coffee, tip toed around the house while getting ready for work. I even had time to check my email and watch a couple YT videos. I wore my cute heart print scrub top w/ gray pants and was at work by 6 a.m. I had sneaked a Valentine's card into the cart at Walmart the night before for DJ and made sure to sign it and leave it on the counter for him when he woke up.

The girls had their school parties Friday and I sent cards and cookies in. They came home after, back packs over flowing w/ Valentines, candies, and cookies. :) Despite working so much, I was able to balance it all this week and felt really good about being a good working mommy. :)

So, yesterday around lunch time, I was thinking about how ready I was to get home and spend the rest of Valentine's Day with my family... I had run down to another station, where they were short handed, to help out for a few minutes, and was getting ready to head back when I looked up and there, down the hall in front of me was DJ and the kids! They had a vase w/ a rose, two balloons and a couple cards in their hands. Gabey saw me and I shrieked , "GABEY!" and he yelled, "Mommy!" and we ran to each other! LOL It was so cute. The girls came running and we all hugged and kissed and mashed each other. :) DJ is such a great man. He's so thoughtful and kind and I am happy and blessed to have the family that we have.

Time are tough and things are stressful, but moments like that, make it all worthwhile. They remind me that we can make it... b/c we love each other and b/c even though we've had tough times we always somehow make it thru, together... stronger and closer and more in love.

I don't know what is in our future. I don't know if he'll get called back to his job or if he'll have to find another one. I don't know how long its going to take me to finish nursing school, or how long I'm going to have be a full time working mommy. What I do know though, is that somehow we'll survive. We'll hang on to each other, preferring one another, loving and caring for one another.

That is how we'll make it. That is how we'll stay together and make our lives work no matter what comes against us. Afterall, it's what has gotten us this far. :)