3 weeks post op

Offical weigh in this a.m.: 254. I was 253 on Saturday but I understand the fluctuations of the scale so whatever. I swear I messed up big time by not measuring before my surgery. I meant to, but never got around to it. I think I'll do that today so at least I'll have something.

So technically, I only lost 2 lbs this week.

Week 1: -14 lbs.
Week 2: -4 lbs.
Week 3: -2 lbs.

Am I supposed to be slowing down to 2 lbs. a week weight loss already or is that that dreaded 3rd week halt thing they talk about? I guess we'll see.

OK so let's talk about regret. Two things... first, not measuring before my surgery. Second, gaining weight before my surgery.

This is where I need a big swift kick in the hiney.

So I went for my PAT (pre admission testing) on March 22nd. I had put on a few lbs. since my last appt so for the 3 days beforehand I dieted and got back down to where I was. 261 lbs. So...anyway... they subtract 3 lbs for clothing and have my offical start weight as 258 lbs. OK.

So, I walked out of there and had 3 weeks before my surgery and let me tell you I ate. I ate everything. I'd start each morning swearing that it was going to stop, that I would control myself, but by bedtime I had eating myself sick. The stress, the emotions, the mental thought that I'd never get to eat it again... the very things that got me to 270 lbs in the first place... I couldn't overcome. By time my surgery date came, I had gotten up to 274 lbs on my home scale (which weighs about 2-3 lbs over the doc scale). I figured that I'd be about 272 (269 after they sub. the 3 lbs for clothing) on the surgeons scale the day of my surgery. So I gained like 11 freaking lbs. at least, in the 3 weeks before my surgery.

How dumb could I have been? I was out of control. I scared myself. It did serve one purpose though. It showed me how much I needed this surgery to control my food addictions.

So now I have my 3 week check up on Wed. with the surgeon and boy am I going to look like an idiot when I have to confess what I did. I'm guessing that I'll only show a loss of 10 lbs or so according to their records. How humilating.

BUT, I can't change it so I guess I just go forward from here. I'm lucky I didn't get in trouble for a fatty liver, or have any complications, or get my surgery cancelled.

I am reaping what I had sown and it's not fun. What a relief it is to know though, that one day soon, I'll step on the scale and the number will start with a 1. I'll walk into any store I want and find stuff that fits. I'll run and play with my kids. I'll wear a bathing suit in public. I'll be a healthier, happier person. The end result is all the same no matter where I am right now. This stupid fat suit will be gone and I'll be myself again, inside and out.