After reading about another blogger in MM's blog hiding her blog I decided to google my name, the various usernames that I use and I was urked to see that I am pretty easy to find online. Yikes. I write some not so nice things about people sometimes AND I having my weight plastered all over creation for people to see is not my idea of fun.

So what did I do? I tried to cover my steps. I made my profile at OH private first and foremost b/c everytime I googled my email, that came up. Next I deleted posts, and an old blog I had from 2005 that had 1 entry, and did my best to hide!

So... do I feel safe? Not really. ACK. I would be mortified if people found my real thoughts and feelings. I put up a good front to my family and friends. In fact, I had one friend tell me that they never saw me let my weigh bother me or stop me from doing things. It was a compliment I know and yet I thought, I don't want to be the person that "doesn't let their massive weight effect them!" Because it DOES effect me. Every freaking day. It stops me from doing so much.

I pour my heart out here but that doesn't mean that I want my family and friends to know what I really think. And I don't want to be censored either.

So what do I do now?

Hopefully no one has found me yet.


Dagny said...

This is how the Internet works and if somebody is determined to find you, they will. We've had a handful of bloggers join the webring and then drop out and delete their blogs because they discovered a particular person had found them. You have to know how things work from the start. It's your judgment call.

Danyele said...

A big part of this journey for me has been learning to own my feelings and gaining the courage to share them. I don't care who "finds" me because I write my truth .. and I live my truth. Stick with it Amber.. you'll be amazed how much more secure in yourself you'll become in the coming months.

I hope you have a fabulous Mother's Day with your little angels! xoxo D