November 2006

Change of plans... on November 11, 2006 7:40 pm
I had to work over this a.m. and didn't make it to the seminar in time. :(But all in all, I think this is for the best b/c I'm going to try to find a surgeon closer to home. I really want to be as close to home as possible b/c of my small children. I'm calling a surgeon Monday that is in this area, that a friend of mine used when she had her RNY surgery a few years ago. I'll update Monday after I speak with them!

SEMINAR TODAY!!!! on November 11, 2006 4:48 am
I can't wait! The process starts today offically!!! WOO -HOO!!! I will be sure to update when I get home!!

Fat Days on November 8, 2006 6:12 am
I'm seriously having a "fat day". Ugh. I feel so bloated and huge today. I am not sure if this is normal or not, but I swear, I've had a never ending appetite. Is it a mental thing.. knowing that after the surgery I won't be able to eat? Am I trying to stuff it all down now? I DO NOT want to gain weight that I'll just have to lose again after. I haven't stepped on the scale out of fear. I know I'm between 245 and 249. I do not want to get above 250 ever. So the seminar is in 3 days and I am so excited!!I recieved the paperwork from the insurance company yesterday and it looks pretty cut and dry! I am hoping and praying that nothing stands in my way.I saw a girl on Oprah yesterday who had had the surgery and of course, looks awesome! Her dad had told her that as long as she was fat, she wasn't "good enough". That bothered me so much... to hear him tell her that. And the worst part was that now that she was thin, she agreed with him..... I wonder if I'll feel that way too. Do I make excuses for myself now, just because I'm the size I am? When I weigh 120 lbs... will I lose my tolerance for fat people??? I sure hope not. I know what's it like to be this size and I never want to look down on someone or say the aren't "good enough". That is ludicrus. There are so many issues concerning obesity. As Oprah said, it is one of the last discrimanations. No one is fighting for the rights of fat people, b/c none of us want to be fat.How many times have I made excuses for myself?"Oh, I'm not that fat." "At least, my face is pretty.""I'm a nice person.""Men are still attracted to me.""It's what's on the inside that counts."And all these things may be true... BUT all in all... they are excuses... attempts for me to justify eating myself into a heart attack. The bottom line is this..."I am unhealthy.""I am shortening my life span.""I am unable to give 100% to my family b/c of my weight.""I am obese."Because of this, I am willing to risk my life by having this surgery. I watched Amy Williams on True Life on MTV again this week and the surgeon said to her, "Are you willing to risk your life, to lose weight?"I sat there for a minute and then said, "I'm risking my life by not losing weight."I have been chunky my whole life. I've ate junk when I wanted to. I've turned to food for comfort. I've let food be everything to me. When I'm sad, I eat. Happy, eat. Lonely, eat. Tired, eat. For every emotion, stituation, and circumstance, food has been my friend. That ends now.

Day 2 and I've already called the ins. co. 3 times... on November 2, 2006 11:54 am
Is that excessive? LOLI made the inital call yesterday to make sure that were no exclusions in the policy. There aren't any! Woo Hoo!!The woman was very nice and told me that the surgery is covered 100% when approved and that she was sending a handbook to me asap so that I could see what I needed to do.As I researched more and more I wished I had asked about what the criteria actually entailed so I called back this a.m. The woman today was very nice as well. She said...1) 100 lbs. overweight and BMI Then they look at any other illnesses/diseases, chronic pain and diets completed.Then do the psych. exam and nutrition counceling.That's it! I'm so excited!Then the third time I called was to ask if the doctor was in the network. :)

I made the decision...11/02/06

on November 2, 2006 11:47 am
The decision was made yesterday. I'm going forward in pursuit of WLS. And so the process begins.In 2003 I had walked down this same road. I went and met the surgeon. I remember I weighed 248 lbs that day. I remember how they made me feel so fat. I mean I knew I was overweight, but I had never had anyone be so blunt and in my face about how fat I really was. I mean they weren't rude... just direct. I remeber the dr. saying, "Do something now, or in 10 yrs. you'll be over 300 lbs." Those words just kept ringing over and over in my head. I went and had the sleep study done, and then went for the sleep apnea test. Then I chickened out. I started dieting on my own and lost about 80 lbs. I was down to 180 lbs. but it was hard and I couldn't maintain it. I struggled over the next few months and gained back 50 lbs. It seemed like the weight just flew back on overnight. Then I found out I was pregnant. In Aug. of this year, I delivered a healthy baby boy, at a whooping 275 lbs. I remember feeling humilated and embarassed about my size. The doc. who administered my epidural did a double take when I told him my height and weight. I wanted to crawl in a hole. After having the baby the weight started melting off... but then when I got to 250 it stopped completely. I've struggled the last two months to take off an additional 12 lbs. but am struggling and have already regained 7 of that. I can't do this anymore. I need WLS and I'm going to do it.I made the call yesterday to my insurance company. I'm on my way.I weigh 245 lbs this a.m. No more. I'm taking my future into my own hands.

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