Before!

6/29/07

Wake Up

The last 3 days have been bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. I have done ZERO exericse. I have eaten not so healthy choices. I have seen no movement on the scale. (Obviously)
It stops today. I really want to explore why I let this happen.

First of all, it started on Tuesday. I woke up and started my day by skipping breakfast. First mistake. Next, I nibbled on a tiny bit of pork for "lunch" before running out the door to the pool. By 3 p.m. I was starving. (Old habits!!!) I grabbed a taco "salad" from the only restaurant in town there. I ate too fast and let myself eat a couple chips. I felt sick immediately. Dumb.

Did it stop there? No.

Wednesday I ate some good but some bad too... I did fine until dinner time and the family wanted to go out. I ordered a grilled cheese on whole wheat and cole slaw. Ate a couple bites of the cole slaw but it wasn't going down well... ended up feeding my sandwich to Gabe and I ate about 1/2 a piece of cheese, 1/2 a piece of bread and 5 french fries dipped in ranch. ugh.

Yesterday I was on the go all day and ate a few bites out of a KFC chicken bowl, and finished the night off w/ Domino's thin crust pizza.

You can check yesterday out on my fitday link.

So... why am I confessing all of this?

I'm not sure, but I know it's emotional eating and I am deteremined to deal with my emotions and get control over this before my appetite and capacity for eating more returns.

I ate 1.5 pieces of thin crust pizza. In the past, I'd have eaten nearly the whole pizza so I'm not really conserned with that right now. What I AM concerned with is the FEELINGS I had when I was going for that pizza.

I've been feeling very emotional lately. AND my hormones are a mess. TOM never did stop when I thought it did and so I've almost been bleeding for a month now. That isn't good. When the pizza arrived (That DJ actually ordered) I smelled it and those old feelings came rushing back. In fact, as I was getting it out of the box I coudln't help but stuff a piece of pepperoni in my mouth.

When I used to binge I would get this "surge" where I couldn't shovel it in fast enough. I couldn't even taste it I would eat so fast and just keep shoveling it in until I felt like I could burst.

It freaked me out to feel that surge. Of course I had to stop after a tiny bit, but I seriously need to not allow that "surge" to come over me. I need a new outlet. I need to learn how to deal with my emotions. But how?

Right now I'm at a loss.

I can tell you one thing. Eating junk is over. I stocked up my cupboards and fridge yesterday with nothing but healthy foods. I made a menu for the week with recipes I got from baratric eating and I will not let myself get out of control again like that. I don't know what it's going to take, but I'm going to do this. I AM going to reach my goals and I will fight tooth and nail to keep from being a WLS statistic that gains their weight back.

I've come too far already to go back.

I AM IN CONTROL OF ME.

3 comments:

Danyele said...

Those food demons are awfully hard to fight.. but take heart - it does get easier with time. I felt that "surge" the other night with tortilla chips, guacamole and salsa. Not the worst snack in the world since I ate few chips and mostly ate the fresh salsa and the guacamole. But the emotional "high" and excitement of eating something can be frightening. I know it's hard with a large family, but try to have as many of your dinners at home (made by you!) as possible. That way, you'll have far less temptation with eating out. Just my two cents sweetie.. (hugs)

Puppie said...

I think it's really brave of you to admit to this. Props to you.

Susy said...

I found your blog today and started reading it. Your doing and looking great. I love to read other blogs as it helps me know others go through the same feelings and such. I had one of the weeks that food demons were hard to fight this week. Stressfull week, not sure. Just re thinking my week. The highs of losing are great, but on the other hand the lows are low... I added you to my blog if you don't mind as I will check in with you in the up coming days. Good luck to you! Susy