Wake Up

The last 3 days have been bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. I have done ZERO exericse. I have eaten not so healthy choices. I have seen no movement on the scale. (Obviously)
It stops today. I really want to explore why I let this happen.

First of all, it started on Tuesday. I woke up and started my day by skipping breakfast. First mistake. Next, I nibbled on a tiny bit of pork for "lunch" before running out the door to the pool. By 3 p.m. I was starving. (Old habits!!!) I grabbed a taco "salad" from the only restaurant in town there. I ate too fast and let myself eat a couple chips. I felt sick immediately. Dumb.

Did it stop there? No.

Wednesday I ate some good but some bad too... I did fine until dinner time and the family wanted to go out. I ordered a grilled cheese on whole wheat and cole slaw. Ate a couple bites of the cole slaw but it wasn't going down well... ended up feeding my sandwich to Gabe and I ate about 1/2 a piece of cheese, 1/2 a piece of bread and 5 french fries dipped in ranch. ugh.

Yesterday I was on the go all day and ate a few bites out of a KFC chicken bowl, and finished the night off w/ Domino's thin crust pizza.

You can check yesterday out on my fitday link.

So... why am I confessing all of this?

I'm not sure, but I know it's emotional eating and I am deteremined to deal with my emotions and get control over this before my appetite and capacity for eating more returns.

I ate 1.5 pieces of thin crust pizza. In the past, I'd have eaten nearly the whole pizza so I'm not really conserned with that right now. What I AM concerned with is the FEELINGS I had when I was going for that pizza.

I've been feeling very emotional lately. AND my hormones are a mess. TOM never did stop when I thought it did and so I've almost been bleeding for a month now. That isn't good. When the pizza arrived (That DJ actually ordered) I smelled it and those old feelings came rushing back. In fact, as I was getting it out of the box I coudln't help but stuff a piece of pepperoni in my mouth.

When I used to binge I would get this "surge" where I couldn't shovel it in fast enough. I couldn't even taste it I would eat so fast and just keep shoveling it in until I felt like I could burst.

It freaked me out to feel that surge. Of course I had to stop after a tiny bit, but I seriously need to not allow that "surge" to come over me. I need a new outlet. I need to learn how to deal with my emotions. But how?

Right now I'm at a loss.

I can tell you one thing. Eating junk is over. I stocked up my cupboards and fridge yesterday with nothing but healthy foods. I made a menu for the week with recipes I got from baratric eating and I will not let myself get out of control again like that. I don't know what it's going to take, but I'm going to do this. I AM going to reach my goals and I will fight tooth and nail to keep from being a WLS statistic that gains their weight back.

I've come too far already to go back.

I AM IN CONTROL OF ME.