7 months!

The scale has gone up a bit in the last couple weeks, as I have found that I can eat again. Well, I could up until yesterday. The scale read 177 lbs this a.m. but that is sure to change now that I'm back on a liquid diet.

I had my braces put on yesterday. Ow. It hurts. Bad. It's good in a way b/c I can totally see me losing these last 40ish lbs now! LOL

Alot has changed in these last months. A lot inside of me. The way I feel and see things. The way I see myself. It's not all good either. I have realized that I have a distorted body image and though I've lost 100 lbs. I feel as big as ever. I can't explain it. I have everyone telling me how good I look but honestly I don't see it. I "know" I'm smaller, but when I look in the mirror I still see fat. I still see imperfection.

I am constantly reminded of a pic I saw on Beth's "post secret" weight loss blog. There was a post card with a pic of a perfect, tight belly and the words, "I thought I'd look like this.." then a pic of a flabby, saggy, deflated belly and the words, "but I look like this." It's so true. Good grief, how true it is. And it sucks. And it messes with my head.

I know I could always have PS, but I'm tired of pain. As I sit here now, unable to chew or talk right, I just can't imagine going through any more pain. In the last year, I've had a baby, had GBS and now have had all this work done on my teeth. I just can't take any more pain.

So that leaves me in the position of having to accept me... the way I am. I have NEVER 100% done that. Has anyone? Is it possible?


Amber said...

I know how you're feeling. My boobs droop, my legs and arms and stomach are flabby and when I look at myself naked I just laugh because I can't cry. I want PS eventually, but I just tell myself, look how awesome you look in clothes and that appeases me for a while. Maybe in a couple years you'll change your mind about PS but if not who cared, you're healtier now and that's the important thing. You can enjoy life the way you should and the extra skin shouldn't take away from that!

Dagny said...

I know it might not be exactly what you want but good lord lady look at the spectacular face you've got coming out! I mean really. I knew that was going to come and you'd probably have to start dealing with jealousy issues from friends!!