The scale has gone up a bit in the last couple weeks, as I have found that I can eat again. Well, I could up until yesterday. The scale read 177 lbs this a.m. but that is sure to change now that I'm back on a liquid diet.
I had my braces put on yesterday. Ow. It hurts. Bad. It's good in a way b/c I can totally see me losing these last 40ish lbs now! LOL
Alot has changed in these last months. A lot inside of me. The way I feel and see things. The way I see myself. It's not all good either. I have realized that I have a distorted body image and though I've lost 100 lbs. I feel as big as ever. I can't explain it. I have everyone telling me how good I look but honestly I don't see it. I "know" I'm smaller, but when I look in the mirror I still see fat. I still see imperfection.
I am constantly reminded of a pic I saw on Beth's "post secret" weight loss blog. There was a post card with a pic of a perfect, tight belly and the words, "I thought I'd look like this.." then a pic of a flabby, saggy, deflated belly and the words, "but I look like this." It's so true. Good grief, how true it is. And it sucks. And it messes with my head.
I know I could always have PS, but I'm tired of pain. As I sit here now, unable to chew or talk right, I just can't imagine going through any more pain. In the last year, I've had a baby, had GBS and now have had all this work done on my teeth. I just can't take any more pain.
So that leaves me in the position of having to accept me... the way I am. I have NEVER 100% done that. Has anyone? Is it possible?