and maybe I am worried about myself. Or maybe I'm not, but am thinking I should be. Hmmm, confused? Yeah, me too.
In the last 48 hrs. I've eaten two bites of chicken and just FORCED down 1/2 c of cottage cheese. I've had TONS of coffee, including two venti lattes. I'm starting to scare me. I've lost two more lbs. in two days.
Here is the thing...I hate food. I hate the smell. The hate the way it looks. I hate the way it feels in my mouth. I hate the way it feels in my stomach. I stand in the kitchen with the fridge open and walk away with nothing a million times a day.
When I eat, nothing hurts, I just feel gross.
My solution? For now, I'm going back to protein shakes. I'm going to force myself to drink my protein if I can't eat it. I know this isn't a long term fix. I know this totally mental and it's really scary b/c I can't control it.
Does anyone know what I'm going through??
I'm hearing a lot of voices of concern around me too... telling me I'm getting too skinny and telling me I need to eat and that my face is too thin, etc. It hurts my feelings and I'm not trying to not eat. I just can't.
On a good note, I started nurses aide classes yesterday and put my two weeks notice in at the restaurant. :D I am so happy. It's baby steps in the right direction!