I guess a lot of people are worried about me...

and maybe I am worried about myself. Or maybe I'm not, but am thinking I should be. Hmmm, confused? Yeah, me too.
In the last 48 hrs. I've eaten two bites of chicken and just FORCED down 1/2 c of cottage cheese. I've had TONS of coffee, including two venti lattes. I'm starting to scare me. I've lost two more lbs. in two days.
Here is the thing...I hate food. I hate the smell. The hate the way it looks. I hate the way it feels in my mouth. I hate the way it feels in my stomach. I stand in the kitchen with the fridge open and walk away with nothing a million times a day.
When I eat, nothing hurts, I just feel gross.
My solution? For now, I'm going back to protein shakes. I'm going to force myself to drink my protein if I can't eat it. I know this isn't a long term fix. I know this totally mental and it's really scary b/c I can't control it.
Does anyone know what I'm going through??

I'm hearing a lot of voices of concern around me too... telling me I'm getting too skinny and telling me I need to eat and that my face is too thin, etc. It hurts my feelings and I'm not trying to not eat. I just can't.

Ugh. Anyway...

On a good note, I started nurses aide classes yesterday and put my two weeks notice in at the restaurant. :D I am so happy. It's baby steps in the right direction!

1 comment:

Candy-O said...

For what it's worth, I think you look awesome!! Maybe it is harder for those around you to reconcile the old you in their heads with the new reality.

Keep an eye on your protein and supplements to safeguard your health, and talk to your doctor about an appropriate goal weight!!

Congratulations on your success in both your weight loss goals and your career!!!