I realized I have a serious problem when I was in the garbage digging out butts and broken pieces of old cigs. Over the course of the last few months, I had decided to quit a couple of times, and broken half a pack of cigs and threw them in a big barrel in the garage. Well, when I was in the barrel digging out pieces and putting them back together with scotch tape, I realized how disgusting and how serious an addiction it had become. I had myself convinced that I could stop when I decided to and that I just wasn't ready yet. I told myself I wouldn't spend any money this week on cigs and that if I didn't have them, I couldn't smoke them. So the next best thing? Digging them out the trash. Omg. I've hit a new low.
I am so disgusted at myself. I am disgusted for picking up the habit again. I am disgusted for keeping it and I'm am disgusted b/c I dug threw garbage.
I am stronger than this!!!!

It's over. What ever it takes. I'm done with the stinky sticks. Nothing is going to control me like that. Seriously.


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