Before!

9/30/08

A post of substance...

I've been vague... guarded...quiet.....

My marriage was over. Seriously. We had been struggling for years but hanging on, unhealthy and not fuctioning well....but hanging on out of habit, convienence, denial and some level of love. Things happened...things were still happening...and from July 10-August 10 everything came to the surface. Everything. It was the breaking moment. I found out things I never imagined went on right under my nose...and I confessed thing I had done.

He wanted us to stay together. I was done. I scared myself at how "done" I was. I wanted out... I checked out...I shut down. I threw myself into work and my kids and shut him out. Totally. I was so hurt I couldn't risk it again.

And so then, bam I break my arm.

It seemed so stupid and odd and pointless of an occurance...so painful. Little did I know God was putting His plan into action.

Long story short, oddly enough breaking my arm changed my life. It saved my marriage, made me quit smoking and got me back into church.

DJ was able to show me love and concern and it was real and honest and raw and came out in a way that I couldn't ignore. He held me, comforted me, cried with me...never left my side..He washed my hair, gave me my meds, fed me...took care of the house, the kids..the list goes on and on. When I broke my arm, he cried as he took me to the hospital b/c he couldn't stand to see me hurt. Suddenly, all the stupid meaningless crap that had divided us fell away and what was left? US.

So here we are.. I'm all bandaged up and it is taking time for my bones to heal, but as my arm heals so do our hearts.

9 comments:

Meghan said...

I've had a sense of what might be happening even though you haven't been putting it all out there on the web. DJ is so very lucky to have had this opportunity to show you his love! I'm sorry you've had a hard time of late, but it sounds like it has been so worth it!!

Michelle said...

I'm so happy that you had that opportunity, unfortunately I did not...god will only deal what we can deal with, this is your opportunity.

Danyele said...

Honey, your post just took my breath away. Life is so crazy - it makes you appreciate the most painful things sometimes.

I feel the exact same way about Chris - he has shown me more love and commitment in the last four months than I ever could have imagined. I'm so glad that you and DJ were able to rediscover your love - it will heal right along with you arm, sweetheart.

((hugs))

Anonymous said...

God's ways are not our ways. Fortunately He knows what He's doing. I'm so sorry you had to break your arm, but I am so glad you both had this chance to begin to heal emotionally. Take care of yourself sweetie. I'll be praying for both of you.

Mary in TN

PS. Take your vitamins, calcium, and protein!

mom2rhysmichaelnjess said...

You dont know me but I follow your blog and enjoy it very much. I could tell something was going on though you really didnt say antyhing about it. Im glad to hear things are going so well. Your post was lovely. Good luck to you both and speedy recovery!

Sharon said...

OMG. Thank God you have found that which I think you knew was there. I'm so proud of you for getting it back.

Tara said...

Amber - no doubt God is working in your life. You are very blessed to recognize it and work through it. Have faith! hugs!

Mysti said...

Amber (((hugs))) I'm so sorry for all your pain - emotional and physical. I'm so grateful to God that he loved you and DJ enough to allow something drastic to happen. :) Girl, you're in my prayers.

Tracy said...

dang girl! I had no idea..... I had something start right about the time your's ended..... I even spent a couple days at my sisters, but found my way home, and it sounds like you did too.