This is a difficult post to write.

We are a few days passed Christmas and I stepped on the scale this a.m. to see the "Christmas Damage".

It was bad.

First, let me get the excuses out of the way. a) I am days away from starting my period. b) I ate a bunch of left over ham yesterday and am probably retaining water.

But, my lowest weight was 132 lbs.

This a.m. I weighed 150.0. Right on the dot. I set 150 as my "barrier". I said if I ever got there I'd take control before it kept climbing. Little did I know I would be there this soon post op. That I would be fighting re-gain at only 21 months post op.

How did this happen? Old habits. I grazed non stop for the entire month of December. I ate Christmas cookies for dinner. I drank with my meals. I did zero exercise. I feel/felt out of control. I would walk in the kitchen and just start shoving things in my mouth like I used to. The exact way I ate before surgery. Of course, the volume was less, the out of control shoveling was the same.

I can't button my jeans. My muffin top has grown. I feel puffy everywhere.

What scared me was the horrible hypoglycemic episode I had the day after Christmas. DJ and I got up and ran out the door to shop and on the way out the door, I grabbed a thermos of coffee and 3 chocolate covered pretzels. By the time we were pulling into the neighboring town about 30 mins later I was shaking, sweating, dizzy and losing my mind. I couldn't speak. My head was spinning and I knew my sugar had dropped. It was the worst episode yet. I couldn't even form words to tell DJ I needed something... He whipped into Wendy's, grabbed a frosty and made me take a few bites. Of course, it brought my sugar up, but it crashed again later in the day. I cannot keep doing this. I didn't have this surgery to eat junk, and pass out in public. I didn't lose all this weight just to gain it back.

When will I realize that I have to keep good habits and stop dabbling in the old ones? I said on a youtube video last week, that this year was the first year that my New Years Resolution wouldn't be weight related. Hmm. I guess I was wrong. BUT, I'm not waiting til the New Year. I started back on track and back to basics this morning. I've got my vitamins all dispensed in my pill box for the day, I had a protein shake for breakfast and plan on getting 70 oz of water in today. Oh, and no diet pop.

I will walk on my treadmill too.

I can do this. I'm taking control back.

I said my blog would be real and that I wouldn't sugar coat. So there you have it. The reality of post op life at almost 2 years out. Not very glamorous is it? But its real. :)


Janine said...

Good for you for being real. I am only 13 months post op and have not yeat got close to goal. I can see bad habits creeping in and I know that I also have to get real to move the rest.

Good for you for addressing the issues.

PamelaDV said...

Amber - thank you for posting this very real and very moving post. I am new WLS (two and a half weeks out) and I have my own blog as well ( I happened upon yours and I will definitely be following you. Know that you are a true inspiration.