Back Burner

I hear so many other post-ops talk about how once they are "x" amount of years out, food and diet takes a back burner in their lives and they don't eat, sleep, and drink WLS anymore. I can say that is sorta true for me, but really, I don't think I'll ever have a normal relationship with food. In fact, as the stress increases, I find myself pacing in the kitchen more. A bite here, a bite there... My weight is staying exactly the same, but I still feel out of control. Mostly b/c for the month of January I ate on plan, healthy and felt good. Now, back to work, it seems I have no time to plan, I just grab the first thing I see and eat it. At work, I drink a pot of coffee w/ a protein shake added in for creamer...Then home at 2 p.m. where I graze until dinner, which I pick at b/c I'm full from grazing... then from 6-8 I pick...a bite here, a bite there... fill the pouch, empty the pouch, repeat. Blah.
I'm not gaining weight. I'm not losing weight. I'm still 144, no matter what it seems. But I realize this way of eating will catch up to me eventually. So, I need a plan.
My head feels like I am on mental overload though. Work is so draining physically and mentally. I lost a resident this week, and then there is always on the job drama that is stressful... When I come home then I face the stress here... hoping and praying the kids are ok, the homework is getting done, the kids are making it to all their activities and not getting neglected in anyway by me being at work all the time. DJ is a great house dad, but the mom in me still worries and can't let go of that underlying feeling, that I'm still totally responsible for keeping the house up, even if he is the one home right now. I am constantly making lists and trying to make things easier on him. I plan out our dinners for the entire week, shop and have it laid out for him. I'm trying to juggle it all. So far I haven't dropped anything but every day I feel on one false move and the house cards will crash.
I'm trying very hard to keep up on my vitamins and I have new ones that will be here Tuesday. They are by the company multigenics and I feel more energy when I take those as opposed to a Centrum or something similar. I need them right now. I can't let my health suffer b/c of the busyness of my life right now.
So I guess that's my update.

1 comment:

Name: Lynise said...

Amber, speaking as someone who works Mon - Fri (full time) and is also doing uni papers at the moment I can understand how you can start feeling like your always running to catch up with all the jobs and chores that seemed to accumulate.
Its quite a feeling of panic as you feel if you let up, it will just snowball and you will totally lose the plot.

I actually got to the point where I needed to put some bounderies in place for my own sanity. One of them was 'no housework during the week'. Of course the bathrooms would still get tidied, but the washing would get put in the hamper and there it would wait until Friday night or Saturday.
Friday after work became my housework time and I would enlist the help of my 11 year old who would help a lot.

My relationship broke up so I'm doing it alone, and knew I had to get a handle on how things would run before I became so overwhelmed I got to a point where I couldn't do it.

Its taken time, but the key was to utalise help. If your hubby is coping with the things at home then this is an opportunity for you to relinquish that side of things and just let him do it. Of course there may be times when something is forgotton, or missed, but I'm sure he will step into his role and find his feet. If you try and keep a grip on both your work outside the home, and what you think you should be doing at home, you will find yourself exhausted and burnt out.

I hope you can get into a routine that works well as its not pleasant feeling like your living on the brink. (always anxious and never able to relax).

Take Care