April 2007- part 2

2 weeks post op April 30, 2007
Two weeks have passed. I am down 18 lbs. Let's see. Where am I today? On the physical side, I'm doing very well. My incisions are all closed and only one still has the tiniest little scab on it. The drain site is all healed with a tiny scab right in the center. I don't have any pain anywhere, just maybe a tiny bit of tenderness still right where each incision is. I do notice I get pain under my ribs a lot. Some of it is gas, but I also think some of it is pain from those muscules being tensed up for the last weeks. I noticed my whole body was tense and rigid while I was healing. You don't even notice you're doing it, until you start feeling better and relaxing. I think I spent the last 2 weeks with my stomach muscles, neck and back muscules all tensed up.. bracing myself. On the inside, things are healing well too. I've not had any pain when I eat or drink and everything I've tried so far has gone down nicely. Last night I had to take Hannah to the ER b/c she had a 103.5 temp and I could not get it broken after 5 hrs and giving her Tylenol and Motrin. When we got home I was so ready for bed but had to take my Urso (the pill that will help me to keep my gall bladder). It has to be crushed and I put it in a little applesauce. Well, I was sleepy and just wanted to lay down so I (too) quickly, crushed it, dumped some applesauce in a bowl, stirred it up and took 3 bites WAY TOO FAST! I didn't throw up but it was weirded feeling ever. That applesauce literally sat in the my throat until my pouch emptied enough for it to go down. Now I've heard of ppl having these experiences and couldn't ever understand how that must really feel. Well, now I'm in the club. lol And let me tell you, it is weird. It didn't hurt or anything, but just was odd. After a few mins. it all filtered through and I was fine. As time passes and the scars heal it is easy to forget what my new insides look like, but after moments like that, I am reminded that the surgery really did happen, and that I will never be able to eat like I used to ever again. (Thank God).On the mental front.... I have decided that this surgery is 90% mental. Head hunger will get you if you aren't careful. I had a few moments this weekend where I really wanted to eat. Just fix a meal and eat it. Sunday was hard. We have gone out to Sunday dinner almost every Sunday since we got married. Church, then lunch out. It's what we do. Well, it's what we DID. In the long run this is better for all of us. We will save money and eat healthier but it is an adjustment for all of us. The kids didnt' complain and DJ didn't either. You know, as I write this... I wonder if all of our eating out, all of our focus on food.... if all of that came from me. Maybe it was just a thing for me since food has been such a focus in my life. Abby said something funny. Her preschool teachers knew I was having surgery and it was driving them bonkers to find out what kind. Everyday she would come home saying that they asked again how I was and what I had done and she kept telling them she didn't know. How can a 5 yr old explain RNY anyway?? At any rate, finally on the that Friday they asked again and she turned around and said, "She had the surgery that makes the whole family go on a diet." Ahh... I love that kid. (Of course at her program the next Monday I had them all in my face wanting to know... I can't believe how nosey some people are... whatever!)Anyway...mentally I have struggled with if I made the right decision or not. I have struggled with wanting to eat a couple times. Well, let me rephrase that... I haven't struggled with wanting to eat a certain thing... I have struggled with the knowing that I can't eat like a normal person right now. This too shall pass and in a month or so I'll be back eating regular foods, just in smaller portions.I can't wait to have a salad with some chicken on it. Weird I know. That is what I want. I salad with a good dressing and some chicken. LOLEven the mental struggles though are getting easier with time and as each lb. drops off I feel more and more confident that this was right. A lot of my problem (not just in this, but in life in general) is that I overthink everything and ask "why" in every situation. I've decided to stop doing that and just thing be what they are. There are so many things in my past that I sit and think about about and question why. I'm starting a new chapter in my life now. No more why's about the past. This surgery isn't just a physical makeover, but an inward person makeover as well. To examine why I let food be my god, my best friend, my everything. To see how I let it control me and never go back to that again. It's a time to find other ways of coping and make changes in myself for the better. It's not easy letting go of your crutch, but boy will it be worth it in the long run!I'm in a new season, a new chapter. It's exciting and I am determined to enjoy every moment as it comes, and through it all become a better me.

12 days post op April 28, 2007
Last night DJ and I went to the store and I bought some groceries for them and for my puree stage. I was so tired when I got home, but glad that I got out and about. I am feeling alot better and am still doing my incentive spirometer every hour. I can tell it's really helping.I am 12 days post op today. I am still down 16 lbs. I lost 14 in the first week, and only 2 lbs so far this week. It's ok though... I know it's a journey not a quick fix. I've been fighting a headache the last couple days, but I suppose that is from no food. lol Right now I'm averaging about 500 calories a day. I am trying to get more in, but it's hard! I am starting to feel like my old self again. I don't seem to be in that fog anymore which is nice. For awhile there I didn't even feel human. Yuck! The plan today is just sitting around, working on some laundry and watching movies. I love Saturday's like this. Life is good. It really is.

11 days post op on April 27, 2007 8:09 am I am down 16 lbs. now.I had some trouble with my lungs yesterday and horrible horrible chills. I am doing my breathing spirometer 10 times every hr. plus 2 big breaths after. I am weak and tired after yesterday. I was so cold... I have never been that cold in my life. I was shivering and could not get warm. Crazy.

10 days post op! on April 26, 2007 6:31 am
I am still at 15 lbs lost... been there for a few days but that's ok. I know the weight is coming off faster than ever before. I apologize for not updating sooner... I was really in a not so good place when I came home. I went into surgery excited and happy and ready to start my journey but came out scared, and regretful and sad. It was so odd, and yet now I've found out is completely normal. The combo of the meds they give, plus the anesethia and everything else really can send you for a loop. Not to mention, going without food makes your mind do funny things.My family was really worried about me. Physically I am doing awesome. Text book case. Everything went perfect, except for an elevated pulse the night after surgery. Otherwise, I am doing wonderfully physically. Emotionally and mentally was another story. I am so glad that I am past all that now and can focus on my new life and new journey that is before me. My family has been awesome. DJ has been (as usual) the best man ever and has really stepped up to make sure things are taken care of. My mom, my aunt, my grandma, people from church, Hannah and Abby... everyone really has been a great help. There have been hot meals brought for DJ and the kids everyday since I had surgery, 2 of my aunts came and cleaned my house for me Tuesday, my mom has been here everyday to help w/ Gabe, Hannah has been a little mommy , the list goes on and on. Everyone is wonderful. I am so blessed.I am feeling more human day by day which is nice too. The first week or so, I was in such a fog that everything seemed surreal. I just sort of floated around and didn't make much sense. lolOn the food front, I've been on liquids for 10 days. These are liquids that can go through a straw. Mostly soups (no lumps), protein shakes, juice, and dairy. It isn't that bad. In fact, w/ my anxiety about my new pouch, I wouldnt' mind staying on the liquids for a few more days. BUT, I must listen to the surgeon and follow directions. Tomorrow I start purees. These are foods that are the consistancy of babyfood. Still no lumps. I'll have more variety...I'm looking forward to refried beans. Weird I know. LOLMom is coming to help me do laundry today so I better run. you all and thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes!!!

I MADE IT!!! Day 3 post-op!! on April 19, 2007 6:53 pm
It has been quite the rollar coaster but I am home and feel great!! We left the house Monday at around 4:30 a.m. but made it to the hospital in plenty of time. We parked the truck, walked across the tunnel to the hospital and got checked in. It was a whirlwind from that point on. They took us into a small blue waiting room where I left DJ and my suitcase. The nurse put a band on my wrist and asked me a million questions, then took a urine sample, had me change into a gown, and locked my belongings in a locker. DJ came back and said goodbye and that he loved me...oh and they made me take my glasses off at this point so I was blind as a bat from here on out. LOL I went into the next area... got an IV and gazillion other drugs put into me. The antestiologist had a very thick accent... she sounded like Zsa Zsa Gabor and must not have been able to read well either b/c she said, after looking at my medical history.. "You've had menengitis!!!...oh wait... no migraines..." LOL That one was pretty funny. Next a male nurse named Rocky, who had big muscles and lots of tatoos came over and chatted with me for a few mins. while Nurse Zsa Zsa finished what she was doing. Rocky was funny b/c Zsa Zsa kept telilng him to do something, then she would do it... so then he'd be standing there lost and she'd yell at him to do something else... lol Good entertainment. After awhile I was all prepped. The chaplain had prayed w/ me, the doc had said he'd take good care of me and had left to put on his "pajama's" (his words) and Rocky came back to the side of my bed. He asked what my favorite drink was... I said Diet Coke... he said no.. alcoholic... well since I dont drink I couldnt' answer. He laughed and said, "Well what I'm going to give you is the best stuff yet" and he put it in the IV. He laughed and said, "Feel it?"... I said, "no.... oh.............wait... there it is...." And boy was I ever loopy!!!So... they wheeled me into the OR and I remember them dragging me from one bed to the next.... They were strapping my arms down and I was getting really drowzy.... Rocky said, "Good night" and slapped that mask on my face and I was out!I remember a slight moment of waking up in recovery and hearing a woman say, "That's it... you're done!" and I flipped out. I dont know why. I did this after my last surgery too. I cried and kicked and they knocked me right back out. lol Oops... sorry nurse whoeveryouwere. My bad.The next thing I remember is waking up in my room and DJ was sitting next to my bed. I got up and walked 2 that night and got a ton of fluids b/c my heart rate/pulse was so high (130). All of my other vitals were great though. Monday night was rough trying to sleep. DJ left to go home at about 9 p.m. and the nurses came in and woke me up 10 times a night it seemed. The next morning I was ready for my leak test. My mouth was so dry and since I wasn't allowed to have anything until the test I was so impatient!!! It was nasty stuff though! Thank God they give you anti nausea meds before you go or I would've puked all over!!While they were wheeling me down to the xray I passed a friend of mine that I had meet at the PAT day!! They had bumped her surgery up one day and she was sitting in the hallway getting her xrays too!! I asked the nurse when I got back up stairs what room she was in and so it was nice to have someone there that I "knew" the whole time. We walked together and watched AI together Tuesday night. We also compared notes and how we were feeling and stuff so that was fun. We also set up our 3 week check up to be on the same day at the same time so we can see each other again!!So after the xray I went back upstairs and finally was able to have ice chips and liquids! They tasted wonderful.Tuesday was pretty uneventful. DJ and my Gram came to visit and as I said "R" and I went and walked and watched AI that night. I am so sleepy though right now and need to get up and get moving so I will update with the rest of the story tomorrow!