Is this a wow moment?

I am 4 weeks, 2 days post op and suddenly I can't eat. Well, let me rephrase...I can eat but I get full... QUICK. I am not complaining but it's funny b/c last week I could eat a whole 1/2 c of refried beans and felt like it was too much... then Monday I had 2 oz chicken salad, 1/2 peach and 1 slice of cheese. Today I made zucchini and chicken- 2 oz. chicken, 1/2 c zucchini and I can't even eat half. But that's not the wow moment.

Actually, I'm not sure I would call this a wow moment. I don't know what to call it but here it is.

I have this empty feeling... I always thought it was hunger, so when I felt that feeling I ate. Makes sense? Right? Well, after surgery I still have that feeling. Even now, when I physically couldn't take another bite, I still feel it. So what does that mean? Is it psychological? What is this?? It feels like physical hunger but I'm eating so how can it be? Am I a freak or does anyone out there, post op, know what I'm talking about??

Relearning how to eat is not an easy task. Add the psychologial side and it seems like an impossible task. I'd rather just drink liquids all day I do believe.

I am so tired today too. Insomnia kicked in high gear last night I was up til 2 a.m., then up again at 6 with the kids. Not fun. I had a mini break down this morning from sheer exhaustion and the state of things. I miss being independant and being able to just throw the kids in the car and go. I miss being able to take care of my baby without help. It's been 4 weeks and I am ready to be well!! LOL Besides the tiredness and drain I feel, I'm tired of feeling like I need a babysitter to go anywhere. I can change diapers, fix food, do laundry, etc... but I still can't pick him up on my own, or sweep the floors, or even go to Walmart alone. All that involves lifting. I know it is almost over, but after the sleepless night it all sort of crashed in on me.

I'm ok though. Im' strong and I'm going to buck it up and get through this. On Memorial Day I'll be able to lift Gabe again and boy will I ever be thankful!!

I did bake two dozen cupcakes this morning for Abby's preschool class. I wasn't even tempted to lick the spoon. It was freeing to be able to stand there and make those and not even want one. Thank God for this surgery!

1 comment:

Michelle said...

I know that feeling, I eat now because I have to and I measure out everything that goes into the mouth. I have found out the hard way if I don't prepare first I eat a bite too much and OH NO!! I have days where I feel like I have a hollow leg and other's where I don't want another bite, after only one! It is a tough battle the body and mind, but one youwill conquer in the end. You are still very new to this, give it time. Heck I'm still very new to this. You have time and everything will fall into place.