8 months!

I still managed to lose 10 lbs. this month again. Yay!

I must confess though that holiday treats are driving me crazy!!! UGH!

So I *think* I finished most of my shopping today. Now to sort it and wrap it.

While shopping today I stopped into Pac Sun and bought the CUTEST hoodie and some cute little (YES I SAID LITTLE!!!) tanks to go under and to also go with a few other shirts/sweaters I have.

The highlight of the day?

When DJ and I were in the dressing room (hehe) and he said to me, "See honey, you aren't fat anymore". It felt amazing...and to know that I'm only going to keep getting smaller. It's wonderful. So wonderful in fact, that I've vowed to get up in the a.m. and do my aerobics DVD.

I bought a stepper at Goodwill a few weeks ago and haven't used it yet. I really would like to see about toning some of this flab/skin up before goal and before deciding on PS. Hopefully it isn't too late. We'll see. There may be no hope, but exercise never hurt anyone. Well, I take that back. Exercise hurts, but it's worth it. ???? LOL

So... let's see... what else???

OH! Addiction transfer. I've been struggling with that. I've been smoking. I know. I know. It's nasty and smelly, not to mention dangerous and overall, a bad idea. And yet, when I was stressed out (beyond belief) and couldn't reach for food, a cigarette was the next best thing. Iy yi yi.

I made a pack last about two weeks, so that goes to show how (not) often I was doing it, but now, I'm craving... and I'm sneaking and I dunno... I just don't like that. Obviously I'm ashamed and I know that I shouldn't be doing it and yet, omg if I don't CRAVE those little buggers.

Why?? Why did I do this?? I was a smoker 7 years ago. Yep... 7 years smoke free... and now here I am working on pack two. Hating it. Hating the smell, the taste it leaves in my mouth, hating the fact that I have to stand outside and FREEZE in this blizzard subzero weather, and yet... why am I still doing it???

I keep telling myself, carbon monoxide, bleeding ulcers, lung cancer, or worse...but for some reason my thick head isn't getting it.

It's just like the old days of mindless eating. I would stand in front of the dozen, or two, of cookies and know that if I ate all those I'd be fat... That I was risking heart disease, thunder thighs, a fat omentum (thanks Dr. Oz) and yet I'd eat those cookies, chase them with some chocolate milk and be on my way. I would eat until I was sick! Why couldn't I stop?

Am I a mental case or what???

At any rate, I'm fighting the urge to go out and have one right now. DJ keeps begging me to quit. If not for me, then do it for him and the kids. He doesn't understand the battle in my mind isn't that easy of a choice. It isn't cut and dry like that.

So I guess I'll vow to do better. The 20 degree weather is a nice deterent for the most part. If any of ya'll have struggled with being on the verge of trading one vise for another, how did you stop it??


DRaeK said...

You know I don't smoke...but hear ya on the addiction to eating! Could you maybe do something to keep yourself busy during the times that you really want to smoke? I'm probably not the one to give advice though since I've never smoked. Anyways, I also wanted to tell you I left you a PM on COF. I didn't know if you'd see it or not. Have a great day!

Sharon said...

Um, yeah. Had quit for 13 years. Have been off and on more times than I can count in the last four. Currently on. And it sucks. Wish I could give you some advice - but maybe if you get some that works, pass it on!