So I think I'm safe on the smoking issue now... I haven't had one since yesterday morning. As I stood, shivering in the garage, smoking, I realized that it wasn't making me feel any better. I hated the smell and I hated sneaking around and I decided that it wasn't worth it. I dunno. I'm weird like that I guess. All the sudden I just was turned off to it and decided I was done.
I think partially it was due to the fact that my tiny tummy has been hurting the last few days... in a weird sort of way. A, something's just not right, kind of way. It isn't sharp pain or bad pain even, or even pain at all really... it's just a weird feeling and when I eat or drink, it doesn't feel good.
So... it may just be that I'm crazy and all the talk of bleeding ulcers caused by smoking has turned me into a hypocondriac OR something is going on and I should be careful.
At any rate, I'm done for now. I laugh at times b/c this blog really does make me sound crazy at times. When I put my thought processes down on paper, it makes me see how quirky I am at times. I blame it on the artist in me. ;) All musicians, artists, etc are "weird"... right? hehe.
I have had the last two days off work and while I like having days off, I do get stir crazy at the same time. I used to LOVE staying home all. the. time. When I was a stay at home mom and really had no reason to leave the house, I'd stay in for weeks at a time. Or at least from Sunday to Wednesday and then Wednesday to Sunday, only leaving to go to church on those days. How pathetic! The sad thing was that I liked it and didn't want to go out. I was hiding obviously.
While I was in my early 20's and less than 200 lbs. I was the life of the party and constantly on the go, but once I started popping out babies and getting fat, all I wanted to do was stay home and take care of my kids, clean and cook. Which, isn't bad... those are good things and I was/am a darn good wife/mom BUT now I see that I was hiding and avoiding. Now, that the weight is gone, I can do all those things AND work and have my own identity. It's wonderful!
Speaking of that, the LPN test was cancelled Monday due to a snowstorm so it will be sometime after the first of year before I get a chance to take a makeup exam. That is ok though. I am believeing that everything happens for a reason.
I weighed 166 this a.m. Dang it. I can tell you what it is... Too much junk and zero exercise! Blah! I'm all, "When Jan. 1st comes, it's on!!!" and I know that it will be and I will hit my goal, but these couple weeks here of Christmas are so freaking hard and I do not want to see anymore gain. Bah humbug.
Now someone go eat those chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen so I don't have to. Please and thank you. ;)


Mary said...

I still hide in my house, because I still do not feel thin. There is always a few more pounds to lose.
I was an LPN many years ago. I went back to school to become a special ed teacher, and now I homeschool. I loved being a nurse. I bet you will too.
Put those cigs down!!! My grandmother blew herself up while smoking while on oxygen about 30 years ago. Emphezema is a terrible thing.
I don't think you sound crazy. I think losing the weight makes us feel we are finally allowed to be "quirky", when before we lost the weight we had to do all we could to fit in. At least that's my version of the story. ;)

Take care and Merry Christmas!

Tracy said...

Amber you are doing great! You have the power to quit smoking... just look at the major changes you've already commanded from your body! You are a skinny little thang now...... going up and down like we both have... this time you are WINNING! I am so proud of you.

Merry Christmas!

Dagny said...

Hey! I smoked for 12 years until the day I decided I was DONE and then I was able to give it up. It's so much easier to manage than this food stuff because you can give it up completely! It's tough to get through that transition period but when you're on the other side you'll feel so free from those chains! Good luck!