today

So I think I'm safe on the smoking issue now... I haven't had one since yesterday morning. As I stood, shivering in the garage, smoking, I realized that it wasn't making me feel any better. I hated the smell and I hated sneaking around and I decided that it wasn't worth it. I dunno. I'm weird like that I guess. All the sudden I just was turned off to it and decided I was done.
I think partially it was due to the fact that my tiny tummy has been hurting the last few days... in a weird sort of way. A, something's just not right, kind of way. It isn't sharp pain or bad pain even, or even pain at all really... it's just a weird feeling and when I eat or drink, it doesn't feel good.
So... it may just be that I'm crazy and all the talk of bleeding ulcers caused by smoking has turned me into a hypocondriac OR something is going on and I should be careful.
At any rate, I'm done for now. I laugh at times b/c this blog really does make me sound crazy at times. When I put my thought processes down on paper, it makes me see how quirky I am at times. I blame it on the artist in me. ;) All musicians, artists, etc are "weird"... right? hehe.
I have had the last two days off work and while I like having days off, I do get stir crazy at the same time. I used to LOVE staying home all. the. time. When I was a stay at home mom and really had no reason to leave the house, I'd stay in for weeks at a time. Or at least from Sunday to Wednesday and then Wednesday to Sunday, only leaving to go to church on those days. How pathetic! The sad thing was that I liked it and didn't want to go out. I was hiding obviously.
While I was in my early 20's and less than 200 lbs. I was the life of the party and constantly on the go, but once I started popping out babies and getting fat, all I wanted to do was stay home and take care of my kids, clean and cook. Which, isn't bad... those are good things and I was/am a darn good wife/mom BUT now I see that I was hiding and avoiding. Now, that the weight is gone, I can do all those things AND work and have my own identity. It's wonderful!
Speaking of that, the LPN test was cancelled Monday due to a snowstorm so it will be sometime after the first of year before I get a chance to take a makeup exam. That is ok though. I am believeing that everything happens for a reason.
I weighed 166 this a.m. Dang it. I can tell you what it is... Too much junk and zero exercise! Blah! I'm all, "When Jan. 1st comes, it's on!!!" and I know that it will be and I will hit my goal, but these couple weeks here of Christmas are so freaking hard and I do not want to see anymore gain. Bah humbug.
Now someone go eat those chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen so I don't have to. Please and thank you. ;)