20 hrs and countin

No cigs since yesterday at 3:30 p.m. Go me. :) It feels different this time and I do want to quit so I think that is helping. I did purchase a box of Nicorette and have chewed 2 pieces today, but I know I'm making progress. Yippee. DJ and the kids are happy and I am too.
I feel like I'm getting a chest cold too and so this seems like a good time to drop the habit.

We are home this morning, hanging out, since DJ had to work. He arranged for mom to take the girls over night tonight and is finding someone to keep Gabe and told me to be ready when he gets home b/c he's taking me on date. :) Sounds fun. And totally needed.

After losing all this weight, our marriage has really been tried and tested. Last night he told me that all the guys at work keep telling him that I'm going to leave him and find someone better now that I'm thin and am getting my teeth fixed, etc. He is scared to death he's going to lose me and it has come out in the form of frustration and anger that has really been pushing me away.

I've gotten to the point where I didn't want to be in the same house, let alone the same room with him. I wanted to run. away. as fast as I could and not look back.

It's been a scary few months.

We have yelled. We have fought. We have thrown things. We have crushed each others spirits. And the bottom line, when all the dust clears is we were saying the same thing!

I'm scared.
I love you.
I dont' want to lose you.

But instead of realizing that we were making matters worse, we were letting our fear come through in the form of anger.

Last night, I broke down. Finally. I sobbed told him how I feel about him and my kids and my home. I don't want to lose it. I love my life and it just should be even better now that I'm out of the prision of fat.

So, we are both trying harder to speak what we feel. To say, I'm afraid and it be ok.

We'll make it. We have so far and have only gotten stronger for it.