I'm on a roll!!!

I walked a mile on my treadmill tonight. :) After hiking yesterday I wanted to keep the momentum going.

We got up early this morning and paid some bills, and got groceries. Not fun shopping but anyway... I came home and made dinner... Zucchini Boats (awesome btw) and then watched BB8. (Stupid Mike. He deserved to go home.) Now I'm recording CSI and Who's the Boss? for later veiwing. :D

Pretty boring night really, but I wanted to check in and say hi!

Oh and thank you to everyone who posted comments here and on my other boards about my pics from yesterday! I love ya'll!!!

Hiking, Swimming, Bar-be-que-ing!

We had a blast today. Got up and packed some stuff and headed out to Findley State Park. We roasted hot dogs (I ate deli turkey and cheese lol) and then let the kids swim a little, and took a hike together as a family. We hiked about 2 miles. It was so fun!! I can't wait to go back in August for vacation. We 're going to get a cabin there for a few days.

Here are some pics from today:

Food update...

OK sorry Mr. NUT.... BUT I can not eat 2 cups of food in one sitting. I can not eat carbs. I am sticking to what I was doing before. If it ain't broke...


In other news, I ran in the rain today and wasn't winded. AND I shopped for most of the afternoon and my legs/feet are not hurting at all! YAY! :)

3 months update

I am down a total of 58 lbs. at 3 months post op. :)

I had my 3 mo. check w/ my surgeon yesterday and they said I am ahead of schedule for my loses. :) I feel great. Oh! I just remembered I haven't done my measurements. I'll do those first thing in the morning for comparision.

I am doing ok with eating. Some days I have ZERO appetite, but I did get hammered by my NUT for keeping my carbs so low. He said w/ the low calories that we are intaking I shouldn't keep my carbs lower than 90g a day. EEK! I don't think I can get them that high so for right now I'm just adding some whole wheat tortillas, more veggies and 2 svg. of fruit a day and see what happens. I'm really really scared that it's going to slow down my weight loss, but I'll give it shot. I've been struggling with being really tired lately and I'm thinking that adding some healthy carbs may actually help with that. Ya'll can click on my fitday link on the side to see what I'm eating and how my totals are looking. This is actually helping my protein intake to come up a little too since I'll be having cottage cheese w/ fruit and then some whole wheat products.

I got to see Bobbi and Robin at the appt. That was awesome. The three of us met at the PAT (preadmission testing day) back in March and Robin and I actually had surgery on the the same day and hung out in the hospital together. It was great seeing them and watching all of us in our transformations. They looked wonderful!!

I can't believe how far I've come in only 3 months. :) I am so glad I did this.

It's time for some pictures...

1)BEFORE
2) 3 weeks post op
3) 6 weeks post op
4) 8 weeks/2 months post op
5) 3 months post op

Starvation Mode?

Does it really exsist? Leave a comment and let me know what you think about it. Go.

12 Weeks

I am happy to report I have been much calmer this week. LOL
Unfortunately my period has shown up again. That means in the last say 40 days, I've bleed for about 37 of them. Ugh. Please, someone make it stop! I do think this is adding to my unhappiness. LOL

Anyway... nothing new to report really. I am shrinking. Clothes are getting bigger and bigger every time I wear them. I'm getting a lot of compliments and starting to feel pretty good about it.

I have so much more energy. It's great. :)

The Crazy

I've got it. That's all there is to it. This surgery has made me insane and I hate it. I sat at the diningroom table this a.m. after a blow out fight with DJ, (that my mom had to come referee) and I confessed that I feel like I'm losing my mind. But, thank God I have a caring, wonderful family who is here to help me get through these changes as they come. I admitted I'm angry and what is anger? Nothing but fear. And I have a lot of fear. Fear that my marriage is going to fall apart and that it will be my fault. Fear of being a failure. Fear that I have gone through this surgery and it won't work. Fear that I'll never be anything I planned to be when I was young. Fear that where I am in my life right now is the best there will ever be.

Fear. Gripping. Paralysing. Fear.

So what do I do about it?

I can't eat like I used to.

So instead, I yell and throw things. Not pretty.

I don't like this. I am pushing people away and when I'm alone it won't be because of the surgery, it will be because I'm lashing out and who wants to stick around for that?

Not a single person.

Thankfully, we sat at the table and we talked, we cried, we prayed. It was nice to be able to get my feelings out and feel like I was being heard. In meeting with the surgeon, he failed to mention this aspect of the surgery. He didn't tell me that as I lose weight, and live on 500 calories a day, I will feel naked and exposed. That I won't be able to hide behind food. That it won't make things better anymore. Bills and money issues won't go away. Stress of in-laws and family won't end, in fact, it may get worse, and everyone around me must be given time to adjust to the changes I'm going through as well.

Pre op I swore I wouldn't change, but I have and still am daily. I can't stop it. I actually want it.

I want positive changes though. I don't want to be angry and full of fear of the future. My future is bright. I am blessed and can't let myself be robbed of that. I have a beautiful family that I want to keep. I want my husband to be happy to be home with me and our children to feel peace and love in our home. Our home has always been a happy place and I can't let my anger/fear ruin that. I can't let my fear becoming a self-fulfilled prophesy.

I need to speak blessings over my life when I feel like I'm losing it. I need to look at the positives more than the negatives.

Are there things that I have put up with in my life, that I realize need to change? Yes. Are there issues that I must deal with head on? Of course. Can I do it? You better bet I can.

myspace

11 weeks

A few milestones this week...

I still managed to eek out a 3 lbs. loss this week. AND, I've hit 50 lbs. gone.