Kidney Stones

I spent all morning yesterday in the ER passing a couple stones..According to the CAT scan there is one more sitting in my kidney... Bleck.

My first blog award! :)

Thank you Debbie from -ThroughThickAndThin for awarding me with my first blog award!! :) Thanks!!




Part of accepting the award is:
displaying the award

*linking back to the person who gave it to you

*paying it forward & nominating 7 blogs

*adding links to those seven blogs

*leaving comments on their blog telling them you gave them an award

*enjoying the award!!

Today I nominate:

Danyele who blogs at BecomingThe PinUpGirl Her blog is great and we were fellow sisters in pain a few weeks ago from some crazy surgeries! Hope your feeling betyter sweetie!!!

Mysti at MystisWLSAdventureBlog She is pretty new post op but doing great. Her faith is very important to her and watching her has helped my faith grow at times!!

Sharon at MySoCalledLife She has talked me back to reality a few times post op. lol Thank you! And btw, therapy? Best thing ever! lol!!


Susy at ABrandNewMe Susy is one of those people that you feel like you have always known :) Thanks for your friendship!!

Tracy at LosingItOneLastTime Tracy and I go way back...I met her about 6 years ago at LCF! I'm glad to see our hard work finally paying off!!

Michelle at ThwWeightIsAlmostOver Great blog!! Not just about WLS but about life..those are the best blogs IMO!

Beth at MeltingMama She keeps it real and cracks me up. I like her. :)

HE can fix what's broken...

I found the following article and wanted to share... It felt so close to home and really spoke to me!!!

The Mender of Broken Things
by Pam Frey
10/05/2007 / Devotionals

As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How could you be so slow"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."
By: Author Unknown


I heard this poem years ago and just recently the Lord brought it to my remembrance. I have been going through one of the most difficult times I can remember. If I look at the circumstances of my life right now it would seem that all hope is lost and nothing can repair the damage done; a marriage broken beyond repair.

It seems that women are the worst at getting in God's way. We want to fix everything. Maybe it's just our nurturing nature. When baby falls and skins their knee, we are right there to fix it. Even when they get old enough to work some things out on their own, we still "try to fix it". And how many women are determined to fix everything "wrong" with their husbands? We really must learn that many times we simply get in God's way trying to help with ways that are our own. I have enough shortcomings myself that if I spent half the time concerned with asking the Lord to fix me, I would realize that God really doesn't need my help with fixing my partners shortcomings or anyone else's for that matter.


When I was a little girl I didn't take my broken toys to my daddy to fix. The only thing to do was hide them, hoping he didn't find out, because who knew what would happen if he did. You just never knew. Maybe he wouldn't get mad at all. But, then maybe he would fly into a rage and someone was going to be the object of his wrath. It usually wasn't me. I was the baby of the family. It was my mother, my sisters, or my brother, who took the brunt of my father's abuse. Don't quit reading here. This is not a gloom and doom message. It has a happy ending.


It's been a real challenge learning about how to relate to my Heavenly Father as a loving Father who doesn't fly into a rage because I blew it. It's taken me quite some time to realize that when I blow it and make a mess of things, I can go to Him and He will sweep me up in His arms and let me know that nothing is too difficult for Him. No matter how broken something looks, He is the mender of broken things; broken lives, broken hearts, broken relationships or whatever it is in your life that is in need of repair.

So many are hurting. So many with broken dreams, broken hearts, visions for their lives they know were God's Word to them that seem to be lying in ashes. Many are confused and not understanding why their life seems to be in a million pieces. I know, I'm one of them. Be encouraged today. Nothing is too difficult for the Lord. Often times we are trying to fix things ourselves. If we will simply take our broken things to God, humble ourselves before Him and lay them at His feet, He is well able to fix whatever we've broken. We must learn to leave them in His hands and quit trying to help with ways that are our own.


His whole purpose in becoming man and dwelling among us was so that He could fix what had been broken. Truly, nothing is too difficult for Him.

http://articles.faithwriters.com/reprint-article-details.php?article=3928

Then and now

I found an old pic


2002





Now

A post of substance...

I've been vague... guarded...quiet.....

My marriage was over. Seriously. We had been struggling for years but hanging on, unhealthy and not fuctioning well....but hanging on out of habit, convienence, denial and some level of love. Things happened...things were still happening...and from July 10-August 10 everything came to the surface. Everything. It was the breaking moment. I found out things I never imagined went on right under my nose...and I confessed thing I had done.

He wanted us to stay together. I was done. I scared myself at how "done" I was. I wanted out... I checked out...I shut down. I threw myself into work and my kids and shut him out. Totally. I was so hurt I couldn't risk it again.

And so then, bam I break my arm.

It seemed so stupid and odd and pointless of an occurance...so painful. Little did I know God was putting His plan into action.

Long story short, oddly enough breaking my arm changed my life. It saved my marriage, made me quit smoking and got me back into church.

DJ was able to show me love and concern and it was real and honest and raw and came out in a way that I couldn't ignore. He held me, comforted me, cried with me...never left my side..He washed my hair, gave me my meds, fed me...took care of the house, the kids..the list goes on and on. When I broke my arm, he cried as he took me to the hospital b/c he couldn't stand to see me hurt. Suddenly, all the stupid meaningless crap that had divided us fell away and what was left? US.

So here we are.. I'm all bandaged up and it is taking time for my bones to heal, but as my arm heals so do our hearts.

Update

I came thru surgery fine... 1 plate and 11 screws...in the splint til Oct.15, then a clamp brace for a while above my elbow where the break was. Sigh.

Surgery...

The orthopaedic surgeon will be putting plates and screws in my arm on Tuesday...At least I'll know I'm on the road to recovery after that and that my arm will heal strong and straight....

Isn't it ironic how much the future is unknown?? It never crossed my mind that night that I'd be at the ER w a broken arm by 3 a.m...

You just never know...

Anyone from Idaho...

If you are from Idaho and visit this site, please me! Gotta question for you!

ambie799@yahoo.com

hmm...

I'm drugged. I'm bored. I can't do a darn thing. My house is a wreck, laundry is piled up, Abby went to school with her hair in her face bc no one would listen to me tell them to pull it up. I changed a poopy diaper one handed, without incident, I've watched 5 movies in 2 days, I took my first shower since Sunday w/ a garbage bag tied on my arm and still came out w/ a soaked splint/wrap, and have mastered opening a childproof medicine bottle using my left hand, and left thigh. It's only been 5 days.....lol.
The surgeon says I will need patience...he obviously doesn't know me!!
Isn't it crazy how one event can change the course of your life?? I was becoming so sure...so strong and making plans and then wham...in one moment it's all changed. Decisions are being made for me. I need help 24/7. I was so independent...now I'm needy.
Blah.

so...

The surgeon didn't do anything yesterday except tell me his plan. i will go back weekly for xrays to see how its healing on its own. He will dtermine if i need surgery in the next few weeks. The surgery he described scared me to death. Rods, pins, plates, a huge incision....the pins would stick out.... I'm in so much pain amd so scared. He said ppl my age don't break bones like this....Well, I did. He said 8 weeks before I can go back to work

X Rays

And for my next trick...

So I'm typing one handed w my left hand b/c i broke my arm. Sunday, i worked 14 hrs., then went to my sil's for chili, then finally got home aroumd midnight and crashed. Around 3 am Gabe woke up and dj put him in bed with us. A few mins later he rolled off the edge of the bed. Somehow in my exhausion I flipped out and had it in my mind that he was hurt. I flumg myself over to where hewas and off the side of the bed. When I did I somehow slammed myself into my treadmill, and the next thing i knew i was on the ground screaming in pain.
It's broken in a spiral fracture above my elbow. They just xrayed it and put it in a splint and i finally go today to the orthopaedic surgeon.They said i may surgery and pins but i really hope not!!! I'm off work w no pay too. :(
oy vey.

Ignorance is bliss. :(

Blogger Slump

There are things going on right now that I just can't blog about yet. I really wish I could. I wish I could just let the words flow out of my fingers and on to the page. I know it would be cleansing just to get it out. But I can't.

Morning time used to be my favorite time of day. When the day is fresh and just beginning...I always loved the verse about his mercies being new every morning...and just that overall feeling of a new day. Now, that feeling is gone. DJ comes in from working 3rd. I keep myself busy w/ house work while he piddles around getting food or watching tv. He used to come in and jump right on his xbox for a few hours and I would get the house picked up and plan my day. Little did I know... my little perfect looking life, was a lie.

I know I'm not making sense. I'm sorry. I'm still trying to process so many thoughts, feelings, emotions...Everything I thought was true has been shaken and my foundations have crumbled.

My weight is staying down. Mostly b/c I can't eat very well. The braces were tightened this week too on top of everything too so "sigh"...not much food going in. Trying to keep shakes down though at least. How sad that I've come so far and feel so much better physically, but can't even enjoy it at this point b/c of all the other craziness going on.

I'm sorry I can't be more upbeat right now. It sucks that my life is where it is right now. I wish I knew the way out of this nightmare or even how to get over what has happened.

Time heals all wounds? I sure hope so. I'm waiting.

12 days

It's been 12 days since I blogged last. There have been many tears, some smiles, several sleepless nights, a few panic attacks, and hours of soul searching. I've been unable to put into words what I've felt, then at other times, been overwhelmed with what spilled out of my lips.

I attended church yesterday. Some old friends were in town and so we went ahead and went. He spoke about the story of Naaman. He was a leaper and a high ranking army general at the same time. Here was this man, valiant and strong, successful in his endevors...winning victory after victory and yet, he had one thing....You know that ONE THING that stops you. That one thorn in your side. That thing that you desperately wish you could rid yourself of, and yet there it is, day in and day out...

So the story goes, that Naaman went to the prophet Elisha and was told to dip in the Jordan river 7 times and he would be clean. It seemed like a goofy thing to do, but he was desperate to rid himself of this horrible ONE THING.

Can you imagine if he would've stopped after only dipping 3 times, or 5 times, or even 6 times?

He would've remained a leaper.

It took all 7 times. He had to finish what he started. He had to stick it out....

I had a thought too, beyond what the minister had said. I'm sure getting in that water was painful... Open sores and water do not mix. Can you imagine the pain he must've been dipping in that water?

The first time under water and I'm sure his skin was on fire...and upon each dip, the pain worsened....but he had faith that on that 7th time, his pain would be gone.

It says that when he came up out of the water on the 7th time, he was whole, and his skin was a like a newborn babies.

I'm in the water. I'm dipping...It burns. The pain is so intense, but I have faith, that if I don't give up, I'm going to be whole. I've come to far to give up now... and I certainly didn't endure the hurt of the first, second, even fifth dip to stop now. I may be dipping down for the sixth time right now.... My breakthrough may be right around the corner.

I'm not giving up. I'm going down for another dip....