Worn. Out.

I've been up since 3 a.m. I got up to pee and realized that my brother, who babysits my kids between me leaving and DJ coming home, wasn't at my house! DJ ended up coming home early, which cost us about $50... and I couldn't go back to sleep. Ugh. I'm so tired. :(
I'll write a real update later...

Me Sunday...

Does the fact that I actually like getting my pic taken now make me vain?

I've been tagged.. (3 times!)

The rules of The Game get posted on the beginning. Each player answers the questions about himself [or indeed herself]. At the end of the post, the player tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read his [or her] blog.


What was I doing ten years ago?
10 years ago... I was 19 yrs old and was flunking out of college. Oops. Umm... let's see... more specifically in April of 1998.. I was working for Credit Bureau Services as a bill collector. *snort* I was sort of in college and spending most of my time meeting boys and finding contributors to my deliquency.
I was a winner! lol


Five things on my To-Do list today:
1. Laundry
2. No grazing
3. Make some yummy Passion Tazo Tea w/ lemon juice and splenda. Seriously YUMMO!
4. Spend time w/ offspring.
5. Get to bed early for work in the a.m.


Three of my bad habits:
1. Swearing under my breath.
2. Drinking far too much coffee
3. Yelling

Five places I’ve lived:
Cleveland Tenn.
Shelby Ohio
Crestline Ohio
Willard Ohio
New Haven Ohio

Three jobs I’ve had:
Nurse aide
waitress
cashier

Five of my favorite movies
The Notebook
Sleepless In Seattle
Pretty Woman
The Sound Of Music
OK there's 4... I actually sat here for 3 full minutes trying to think of another...I can't. So you're only getting 4.


I tag: BrownieGirl, the other Amber, the other other Amber, Kim and Sharon. Go.

Had a blast

We really had a good time this weekend, and I discovered more about me and I came home wanting to be better mom and wife and woman! I am refreshed and renewed and I'm glad.
There was a lot of talk about layers, and protection and abandonment and all those little issues I (and I'm seeing every woman)deal(s) with!!
When I turned 29 this year, I was sad. (Really...read the blog... that day sucked!) But even now, only about a month later, I am seeing that life is only getting better and better!! Beyond the physical changes, I am mentally, emotionally and spiritually evolving into a new, smarter, healthier, wonderful woman. I learned some very hard lessons in my 20's and I know I will learn many more in the years to come, but as I approach 30 I see that I have learned lessons, not just endured them, and I am changing and becoming a person that I want to be. A person that I am proud of. A person that I am happy to see in the mirror and happy to be.
I am realizing that perfection isn't the goal here. I am learning how to forgive! I am learning to let go. I am learning to peel away layers and be vulnerable and open that it's OK! That is helps others. That I have a wonderful life and a beautiful family and a bright future.
I can make mistakes. I can! It's ok!! I can get a do-over! :)
Do you know why all of this possible??
One word.


GRACE.

And thank God for it.

Weekend Shots!

Women of Faith

I am going to Women of Faith this weekend w/ my bff Ashley! :) Yay! Today is a busy day though before I even leave. First, I'm trying desperately to get this laundry caught up! Then Allison is bring Miley and Timmy over for me to watch whle she has some sort of procedure at the hospital. Without realizing that I would have them, I made plans w/ a friend, Jamie, to have a playdate at McDonalds today... (An excuse for us to hang out! lol) Thankfully there's a playland and Timmy can just play w/ our kids. Hopefully Miley won't cry the whole time! ;) I love my little neice, but she is a cry baby ! :( I hate it for her!
After lunch, it's back home to pack, get the kids set for the night and for tomorrow. Then I'm off to pick up my check, stop at the bank then meet Ashley to get on the road by 4:30. The first part starts tonight at 7!
Another day I'm thankful for my RNY b/c I will the energy to do this plus more! :)
Saturday is the main part of the conference, then Sunday and Monday I work! Busy busy! :)

Shopping is fun!

I spent a ton of money today but it felt great! I have never loved shopping so much in my life! And I look good! LOL LOL
Trying not to brag here, but let me explain...
For years, shopping was a chore... I refused to look like a big blimp pre-op, and so shopping literally took FOREVER. I would go from store to store until I finally would find something cute/or that fit, and then I would buy it in two colors at least. I would usually spend half the day crying about how terrible everything looked, and the other half rummaging through rack after rack of over priced clothing that only came in styles my grandmother would love. In fact, we might have had a few of the same shirts. At any rate, looking good, took hard work... and hours of painful shopping, and it was never fun, and I always felt terrible after.
No more.
Today, I found cute things in every store I entered. The problem isn't finding clothes, it's chosing between all of what each store has to offer! It's so fun!
I bought 6's and 8's and smalls. OMG. Honestly, I have never been that size in my adult life. Ever. I <3 my RNY! :) haha!

On the sickness front. I feel good. No more pain and all of my tests came back normal. I am still scheduled for a endoscopy on May 8, but I think I'm fine and just had a bout of bad gas! lol

Update

Gall bladder is functioning and normal.

Endoscopy is scheduled for May 8.

I will take Nexium until then.

If I get any of those horrible symptoms again, I will immediately call my surgeon and head to his hospital.

I'm feeling better and was able to able to eat a little for lunch ok.

Blah.

Hours at the ER...

I have had the craziest last 24 hrs....

I only have energy for a short version...

I spent most of the evening last night, doubled over in pain.
I ended up at the local ER, w/ an IV, diludad and fenegran (sp?) after calling my surgeon.
Came home around 1 a.m. w/ no answers.
8:30 am I go back and get an ultrasound of my gall bladder, liver, kidney, etc.
I come home and have a message from my surgeon to get up there asap.
We jump in the car (after taking Abbys bday treat in for her class and letting her pass it out)... grab the kids and get to the hospital up there around 12:30.
I get more bloodwork done. I get a HIDA scan....
I see the doctor at my surgeons office...

Still no answers.

Where do we stand right now?
The ultrasound on the gall bladdar showed everything was normal.
The Hida scan will be read and a report sent in the a.m.
If it isn't my gall bladder not fuctioning then I will go back and get a scope to check for an ulcer. If that comes out fine, then I'll get a CAT scan.

This sucks. I don't have time for this.

I am in pain all the time and it sucks!!!!

Blah.

Missing...

I haven't been around much this week w/ any real posts I realize. Sorry about that. I've been a weird place and really didn't want to post and be a debbie downer. BLAH.
I am (finally) figuring out that I have serious PMS issues. I have known this, and have tried several different meds, but I hate to medicate myself, just b/c I'm grumpy... kwim?? I get so seriously grumpy though, and depressed and bloated... ick. I felt it coming on early last week, but this time I was smart and went back in my blog to this time during the last few months, and each time, I found a "downer" post... hahaaha!! Sort of clued me in that I'm emotional at this time of the month. ;)

So, I've been laying low. I knew no one wanted to hear about how "fat" I feel (even though it's so real to me!) and how sad I am blah blah. Actually I've had a good week ignoring my stupid hormones!

The appt at the surgeons went wonderful and I was so happy to see R! The doc said I am a complete success and was really amazed at my before pic compared to what I look like now. You better believe I dug out that before pic SEVERAL times this week when those negative emotions starting coming over me.

I've lost 135 lbs. dang it. I have a reason to be PROUD!! I LOOK GOOD!! hehe ;)

So yesterday I worked 6a-10a, went and got my nails done, then came home showered and went to a friends jewelry party.... After I came home, made dinner and cleaned the house from top to bottom for Abby's bday party that is here this afternoon. DJ cleaned the garage out and it looks great. I LOVE spring!!

It's raining a bit today but it's still staying in the 60's so I won't complain. April showers bring May flowers!!

I'm off to get stuff ready for the party! I'll be back w/ pics later I'm sure!

1 year....

My appointment went great... :)
They said I have done an amazing job and should be super proud.. (and I am!!)

They also gave me the pic they took at my first appt. It is very blurry b/c I had to take a pic of a pic... but you'll get the idea. Then is a pic of me and my surgery buddy!!

1 YEAR POST OP...

I have lost... drumroll please....


135 lbs. in the last year.
I have gone from a size 28 to a size 6 in womans, and 7/8 in juniors.
My waist is only 32 inches!! My hips are 36!! My bust is 36! I actually have a shape and it's not just round. ;)
I feel wonderful.

My appt. w/ my surgeon is tomorrow. I hope they are proud of me! :)

This Can't Be Good...

I have violently "thrown up" both last night and the night before. Of course, I was going through the motions, nothing was coming up... which hurt even worse. Now, let me say first and foremost, that this happened after I ate a piece of greasy pizza (I know better)... and the second night was a leftover piece of the same pizza. I know.
Anyway, it was the most painful puking experience EVER, and for hours after my pouch just sort of had spasms or something.
Even before episode though, I've noticed my pouch is being very picky lately. Everything I eat seems to make me nauseated...which isn't fun when you are really hungry but fear eating for feeling worse after. Ugh. I thought I was past all of this.
Blah.

I am 2 days away from my 1 year anniversary. *Yippee*

Yummy Vanilla, Caramel, Peanut Butter Coffee Protein Shake

Whew... long title, eh?

So I really don't post recipes very often at but I'm focusing on getting more protein and less carbs (ahem, cough cough) into my diet... so... I'm trying to get more protein shakes in daily too.

So.. here goes...

1 scoop vanilla protein powder
lotsa ice
1 c water
2 pk. splenda
4 pumps of peanut butter divincis
4 pumps of caramel divincis
8 oz. cold coffee (well mine was hot til I mixed a ton of ice in it. :D )
Throw in blender and mix.
Now I can't stand that frothy stuff so I sort strained it off and poured in my plastic drinking bottle thingy and it gave me about 24 oz. of liquid.


Hope ya'll try it. It's yummy! Next time I'm gonna try chocolate protein powder w/ the peanut butter davincis. The vanilla taste is kinda strong in this one, but still good!

Movement!!

I was STUCK at 146... after hitting 144 and bouncing back up... Over three weeks, I was there... waiting... UGH! It sucked!

BUT,

Today, I hopped on the scale and 143 is what I saw. I guess this thing isn't over yet. :) *wink*

Guess who...

bought a size 3 denim skirt?


ME!

Pictures to follow soon.

P.S. I also have the ip addy of my 10,000 visitor, but now I'm wondering how I figure out who it is and how to contact them to hand over the prize?!?! Didn't really think it all through did I?! If anyone knows, let me know!! LOL

Two Things...

First of all, I can't believe I am nearing 10,000 hits!! That is so amazing to me! I heart you guys! :) I'm gonna get a prize together and "award" my 10,000th visitor! :)

Second, if you'd like me to put a link to your WLS site on my link list, leave me a comment on this post and I'll add you!

Week 51 in the life of a RNY patient...

I am coming up on my 1 year anniversary from my RNY.

Last year, this week, I was busy preparing things for my post op life. I had purchased all of my vitamins, and supplements...and was walking around in nervousness, excitment, disbelief and fear. LOL....I remember walking upstairs one day and when I got to the top, after catching my breath, thinking for a split second that I should try a diet on my own one last time, but quickly realized that this was my last option. I thought about my life one year out. If I had the surgery, I knew I'd be close to goal... if I didn't I know in my heart, I'd still be 277 or more right now. Somehow in my heart, I knew I was making the right choice.

I had arranged for the kids to stay w/ my mom while I was in the hospital, and I was busy making lists of what I needed to pack, as lists of their activities, things they needed for school, medicine dosages, favorite foods and drinks, and any other thing I could think of. I was nervous about leaving them for 3 whole days, but I knew I was getting my life back. If I spent 3 days away from them, it was ok, b/c I was adding years on my life, to spend with them later.

Gabe was only 8 months at teh time, and I was worried that he'd miss me, or cry for me and I wouldn't be able to answer him. That put some guilt on me, but once I reminded myself that I was doing this for them too!

I was nervous, I was scared, but I was also relieved and happy and ready to start my new life as a post op.

The last year has FLOWN by. I can't belive I'm sitting here now, 133 lbs lighter and full of energy and life. I have a closet full of cute clothes... I want to go places and do things. I'm excited about life again. :)

My residents

I am heading into work this weekend, and it reminded me of a blog I've been wanting to write for some time now. I was sort of trying to wait for the words to come... then I sort of put it in the back of mind, and forgot about it, until I was watching some YouTube videos tonight.

When I started my job at the nursing home, I figured I'd mostly be working with older people, or people who had major issues that prevented them from taking care of themselves, such a paralysis or stroke symptoms, etc.

That was before I met Joyce, Beth and Tom, 3 of 130 residents at CCC. Joyce was a new arrival on my 3rd day. She weighs over 450 lbs. She can't speak b/c of a trach. She wasn't my patient on her first day, but a nother girl and I did have to change her and straighten her sheets one night. It broke my heart when I entered that room. I fought back tears. That was my future!!

All of her dignity was lost. There she sat..fully aware of her surroundings, having to use a diaper just b/c her sheer size inhibited her from making it to the bathroom. She couldn't do anything for herself anymore.

What was most heartbreaking was the bag of Werthers Originals, and the box of cookies, I had to take off of her lap before we could change her pads. I had food addictions like that. Had it not been for the WLS, I could've been her!!

My heart went out to her, but there was nothing I could say. I did my best to make her feel comfortable as we cleaned her and got her re-situated. As she rolled from side to side her whole face turned purple and I saw the strain that such a small simple task brought her.

Tom is another resident at CCC who is SMO. He gets around alittle better. He can walk and I'd guess his weigh to be around 380 or so. He does mostly for himself, even orders his own food from outside restaurants to be brought in. The day I took care of him, he told me that he was starting a diet. This was around 9 a.m..... around 11:30 I found him in the activities room watching TV and eating an entire large pizza he had ordered and had delivered. Then around noon he ate the provided lunch too.

Again my heart was breaking.

Who am I to have been given such a wonderful oppurtunity to live again?? To be strong, and healthy and keep my youth!! To spend time running and laughing and playing with my children!

Finally, I met Beth, just last Saturday night. Beth was the kindest, gentlest soul. When I entered the room she had the brightest smile I had seen on anyone in that home. She asked if I would help her get to the toilet which I gladly would've done except, it was 3rd shift and the facility policy states that all residents must use a bedpan or brief during night time hours b/c of low staffing. I told her I was very sorry but that I would put her on a bedpan and she could use that. I could tell she was less than thrilled. She also had a trach but could speak and I'd guess she was in her 30's. I saw on her chart that she weighed 399 and one of the nurses commented about how she had gained 10 lbs in 3 days. I have done that!!

Working with these 3 people have brought so many emotions out in me. My heart goes out to them, b/c I know how strong food addiction is, and I couldn't break it on my own either. It took WLS to fix my stomach, to give me a chance to fix my head!!

What is it that makes us eat ourselves to death?? What is it in us that allows us to watch the scale go up, up, up and yet keep shoveling the food in?!?!

After I left Joyce's room, her call light immediately went back on, b/c I had put her candy and cookies out of reach. It was totally accidental, but I was sad that she couldn't have them out of her reach for even a few mins.

There is so just much to process and so many thoughts that have gone through my ehad about it. Thank God I was given this oppurtunity. I wish everyone who needed it, could have it.

Thank God

Although Gabe was sick yesterday, it ended up being a pretty productive day. I got a ton of housework done and went through the kids clothes, and did a ton of laundry. Today I'm getting out of this house though... I'm going to get some bills paid and go somewhere!! I work 1st tomorrow and Saturday. Blah.

There isn't really much to report. My teeth are killing me since my adjustment on Tuesday. It's times like this, that the no NSAIDS rule really sucks. Tylenol just doesn't cut it. :( Oh well.

Have a great Thursday everyone!

Oh my goodness sakes!

Gabe has spent most of the last 24 hrs. throwing up. WTH?? Have I mentioned how ready for summer I am? I am also ready to open the windows, do some spring cleaning and get out of this house!! Soon, very soon. I looked at the weather and it says we will be in the 50's for the next 10 days. That offers some hope! It is April, and the kids are allowed to start wearing shorts to school on May 1st.. We are almost there. If I can just hang on a little longer...
I picked up some cute short sleeve shirts for the kids last night. Bright summer colors. I plan on going through their clothes today and getting rid of the too short, too old, too tiny, "I hated that when you bought it" clothes and make room for the summer stuff. :)
No food or weight loss updates... all of that is sort of going to the back burner. DJ told me yesterday that he is sick of hearing me call myself fat and if I don't stop he is going to hurt me. LOL Ok, ok. It is the belly skin though. Honestly if I didn't have that I would believe I was small, but that saggy skin really messes w/ my head. Sorry, but it does. AND those dang BMI/weight charts that still call me overweight. Sigh.
Anyway, I can't chew today b/c of having my braces tightened and a new wire put on yesterday, so I may drop a few lbs this week afterall.
DJ and I have a running joke now, where he will try to get me to take a bite of some forbidden food, ie. candy, pizza, etc. and will say, "Here...reese cups for your booty!" or "Have some pizza for your booty!" He's real funny, eh? (Can you see me rolling my eyes??)
I plan on only getting on the scale each Monday now and really trying to let all this surgery/weight loss stuff take a back seat.
Oh! I did stop at GNC though and made a nice purchase yesterday. I got a box of Oh Yeah protein wafers for $8. It was on sale for some reason. I was sort of upset though b/c they had a box of chocolate, but no pb.. and pb is my fav. I went ahead and bought them anyway b/c they were so cheap, but I told the guy, next time they better have pb. :)
I think Gabe is feeling better... He asked for a piece of bread earlier after I asked him if he wanted some toast and bananas. Nope, "raw" bread is what he wanted... so anyway, I let him have a piece. I just looked over and he had stabbed it w/ a comb (I have no idea) like a skewer and is chowing.
Please God, let him keep it down. I'm so tired of wiping up puke. Seriously.

8 years later

On April 1, 2000 I married my best friend. :)

On of the best things I've ever done.