Today was my first day and it went well. I ate poorly, drank too much pop, and am dead tired, but I made it. :)
Before!
3/14/08
The nurse picture
Today was my first day and it went well. I ate poorly, drank too much pop, and am dead tired, but I made it. :)
3/12/08
On track
Everything is great today. I scheduled my 1 year post op appointment for April 17th and talk about getting a kick in the pants...The surgeon doesn't count my pre op weight gain (yes I said gain) in my totals. His start weight for me is 258. This a.m. I weighed 152... which puts me 106 lbs. lost... I really know I've lost 125 lbs. as of today. That sucks. That is what I get for endulging in 19 lbs. of last suppers between my pre op testing day and surgery day. Stupid. That's right folks, I gained 19 lbs. from March 22, 07 to April 16, 07. So stupid. Anyway... the point is... I want to be as close to goal when I go to the doctor as I can be. I know in there eyes I'm still a success but I dunno... I'm weird like that.
Plus I talked to my surgery buddy today and she is 2 lbs. below goal. I'm so happy for her!!
I've been very good today... lotsa protein, fluid and no snacking. :)
The countdown is on!
Plus I talked to my surgery buddy today and she is 2 lbs. below goal. I'm so happy for her!!
I've been very good today... lotsa protein, fluid and no snacking. :)
The countdown is on!
3/11/08
Ahhhh Chhhoooo!!!
Ugh. Sorry. That's me there. I'm full of congestion and snotting all over the place. Gag....
I'll be so glad when SUMMER gets here!!!
Today I woke up and found (after I dragged the girls out of bed) that we were on, yet another, two hour delay, which means no school for Abby at all. She goes to morning kindergarten and when there is a 2 hr delay there really is no sense in them going at all. Today was supposed to be a make up day for pictures that were snowed out in February. After spending time last night ironing and picking out clothes and fighting over the fact that Abby wanted to wear a skirt but Mommy wanted her to wear some cute kahki pants and deciding on a hair style... all was for nothing when the news came of the dreaded delay. Hannah went ahead and went to school dressed for pictures but who knows if they will even have them. I'm not getting my hopes up at this point.
After getting everyone settled I headed out for my drug screen and physical for my new jay oh bee. I was shocked at how fast I was in and out of there. So fast, in fact, that I was still filling out patient history paperwork, long after my entire exam was over.
It was all pretty cut and dry. I went in, got weighed (155 lbs in clothes, shoes and w/ a full bladder... I'll take it!), and then was measured (5 ft. 2 inches, YAY!), then did a quick eye exam, blood pressure (100/62... the (male) nurse commented that if his bp was that low he'd be passed out somewhere...which was sort of funny (not) since I was just thinking, dang I'm dizzy!), pulse, respirations, etc. Pretty cut and dry exam. Then I went for the drug test, which I of course, made a fool out of myself during.
It's obviously that I've been a stay at home mom for years and this is only the 2nd drug test I've ever taken. The first, being at a factory job I had when Hannah was first born. During that drug screen I peed in a cup and was on my way. No biggie.
This one was different. I felt like a criminal or something. It was odd. First of all, I went into a bathroom stall that had a toilet (that I found had been fixed to not flush) and one sink. Otherwise it was completely bare. No towels, no soap, nothing. Seriously! No soap!! ??? I dont get it. The lady made me leave my purse, coat, etc outside with her and go in alone, with the instructions to fill the cup halfway.
Immediately, my bladder that was full 30 seconds prior, suddenly felt empty. I finally was able to squeeze out the right amount, spilling some on my hand, which I couldn't wash off b/c I wasnt allowed to have soap. Gag.
I get my pants put back in place, and go to open the door to give the lady the "specimen" and suddenly my OCD nature takes over. I'm going to have to open the door w/o using a paper towel shield. It was worse too, knowing that no one that had gone in that bathroom had been able to use soap to wash their hands. I felt like I would throw up. Oh my gawd. Gross.
Toilet paper was the next best thing so I grabbed some, hurried and gave her the pee and asked if I could please wash my hands now. She said, No.
Are you freaking kidding me. Talk about anxiety. Seriously. Gross!
She said I had to watch her seal it and sign for it. So I had to sign her dumb papers and my vials THEN finally I was allowed to wash and go.
That was the most disgusting thing ever. Shudders.
Thank God I wasn't in there long b/c I honestly felt sick when I was leaving. Something about other people's filth makes me ill.
And you might be wondering how I'm going to be a nurse aide if I get this grossed out over this bathroom situation... but here's the difference. When I'm dealing with a patient I am the one in control of the cleanlines of it all. I am the one w/ the disinfectant, gloves, etc. I can set standards that I'm comfortable with and I won't have to come into contact with things like this where I feel out of control.
Anyway... ok so this blog turned all whiney and everything... sorry!
At any rate, I've got all the things done that I need to for my job now. I stopped off on the way home and got my TB test done too and it will be checked at my orientation on Thursday at 11 a.m. I'll be able to pick up hours this weekend! :)
I'm so excited!
I'll be so glad when SUMMER gets here!!!
Today I woke up and found (after I dragged the girls out of bed) that we were on, yet another, two hour delay, which means no school for Abby at all. She goes to morning kindergarten and when there is a 2 hr delay there really is no sense in them going at all. Today was supposed to be a make up day for pictures that were snowed out in February. After spending time last night ironing and picking out clothes and fighting over the fact that Abby wanted to wear a skirt but Mommy wanted her to wear some cute kahki pants and deciding on a hair style... all was for nothing when the news came of the dreaded delay. Hannah went ahead and went to school dressed for pictures but who knows if they will even have them. I'm not getting my hopes up at this point.
After getting everyone settled I headed out for my drug screen and physical for my new jay oh bee. I was shocked at how fast I was in and out of there. So fast, in fact, that I was still filling out patient history paperwork, long after my entire exam was over.
It was all pretty cut and dry. I went in, got weighed (155 lbs in clothes, shoes and w/ a full bladder... I'll take it!), and then was measured (5 ft. 2 inches, YAY!), then did a quick eye exam, blood pressure (100/62... the (male) nurse commented that if his bp was that low he'd be passed out somewhere...which was sort of funny (not) since I was just thinking, dang I'm dizzy!), pulse, respirations, etc. Pretty cut and dry exam. Then I went for the drug test, which I of course, made a fool out of myself during.
It's obviously that I've been a stay at home mom for years and this is only the 2nd drug test I've ever taken. The first, being at a factory job I had when Hannah was first born. During that drug screen I peed in a cup and was on my way. No biggie.
This one was different. I felt like a criminal or something. It was odd. First of all, I went into a bathroom stall that had a toilet (that I found had been fixed to not flush) and one sink. Otherwise it was completely bare. No towels, no soap, nothing. Seriously! No soap!! ??? I dont get it. The lady made me leave my purse, coat, etc outside with her and go in alone, with the instructions to fill the cup halfway.
Immediately, my bladder that was full 30 seconds prior, suddenly felt empty. I finally was able to squeeze out the right amount, spilling some on my hand, which I couldn't wash off b/c I wasnt allowed to have soap. Gag.
I get my pants put back in place, and go to open the door to give the lady the "specimen" and suddenly my OCD nature takes over. I'm going to have to open the door w/o using a paper towel shield. It was worse too, knowing that no one that had gone in that bathroom had been able to use soap to wash their hands. I felt like I would throw up. Oh my gawd. Gross.
Toilet paper was the next best thing so I grabbed some, hurried and gave her the pee and asked if I could please wash my hands now. She said, No.
Are you freaking kidding me. Talk about anxiety. Seriously. Gross!
She said I had to watch her seal it and sign for it. So I had to sign her dumb papers and my vials THEN finally I was allowed to wash and go.
That was the most disgusting thing ever. Shudders.
Thank God I wasn't in there long b/c I honestly felt sick when I was leaving. Something about other people's filth makes me ill.
And you might be wondering how I'm going to be a nurse aide if I get this grossed out over this bathroom situation... but here's the difference. When I'm dealing with a patient I am the one in control of the cleanlines of it all. I am the one w/ the disinfectant, gloves, etc. I can set standards that I'm comfortable with and I won't have to come into contact with things like this where I feel out of control.
Anyway... ok so this blog turned all whiney and everything... sorry!
At any rate, I've got all the things done that I need to for my job now. I stopped off on the way home and got my TB test done too and it will be checked at my orientation on Thursday at 11 a.m. I'll be able to pick up hours this weekend! :)
I'm so excited!
3/10/08
Today was weigh in
Morning morning weigh in had me at 153. I'm wasn't surprised. Well actually I did expect it to be higher. At any rate today has been a much better day. I woke up and got straight on the treadmill...even before I had coffee and hammered out my 2 miles in about 30 mins. Of course, that isn't wonderful, but it's a start and for my short little legs, it's a good workout. I even ran for about 3 mins of it non stop and then jogged a bit here and there throughout the rest. I felt 1000 times better after I did that.
I came downstairs and DJ had brought me a sf nf irish cream latte and I sipped on that w/ a strawberry protein shake. It feels good to be in the drivers seat again.
I had planned on doing all liquids, but DJ insisted on going to Chinese for lunch. I told myself, I could go, but only if I was good and stuck to proteins and nothing fried. I did great. :)
After lunch, I went tanning and then came home and cleaned up the house a bit. Now everyone is napping, except me obviously. I dont feel tired at all. :) I love how exercise makes me feel. Just overall, amazing. (Ahh.. Remember that Amber!!)
DJ is working 2nd shift this week, covering for a guy on vacation so dinner should be easy. I can throw something together for the kids and something WLS friendly for me. I think I'll make wheat pasta w/ lean beef spaghetti for dinner. That way if I decide I want to eat a meal, I can have some of that or I can just have a protein shake if I dont feel hungry.
I was thinking about how obsessed I've become w/ food lately and how in the long run, I do think that hurts me. I wasn't like that at all during the biggest part of my weight loss. I followed the rules. No eating and drinking at the same time, protein first, etc.... That is what I need to get back to and I'm doing pretty darn good today. And exercise. It's key. As much as I wish I could do this without it... haha I KNOW that I must.
I'm almost 11 months out... Only 7 months left of the "honeymoon"... what a waste it would be for me to let snacking ruin this oppurtunity for me now. I'm determined to not let it.
I am in control.
I came downstairs and DJ had brought me a sf nf irish cream latte and I sipped on that w/ a strawberry protein shake. It feels good to be in the drivers seat again.
I had planned on doing all liquids, but DJ insisted on going to Chinese for lunch. I told myself, I could go, but only if I was good and stuck to proteins and nothing fried. I did great. :)
After lunch, I went tanning and then came home and cleaned up the house a bit. Now everyone is napping, except me obviously. I dont feel tired at all. :) I love how exercise makes me feel. Just overall, amazing. (Ahh.. Remember that Amber!!)
DJ is working 2nd shift this week, covering for a guy on vacation so dinner should be easy. I can throw something together for the kids and something WLS friendly for me. I think I'll make wheat pasta w/ lean beef spaghetti for dinner. That way if I decide I want to eat a meal, I can have some of that or I can just have a protein shake if I dont feel hungry.
I was thinking about how obsessed I've become w/ food lately and how in the long run, I do think that hurts me. I wasn't like that at all during the biggest part of my weight loss. I followed the rules. No eating and drinking at the same time, protein first, etc.... That is what I need to get back to and I'm doing pretty darn good today. And exercise. It's key. As much as I wish I could do this without it... haha I KNOW that I must.
I'm almost 11 months out... Only 7 months left of the "honeymoon"... what a waste it would be for me to let snacking ruin this oppurtunity for me now. I'm determined to not let it.
I am in control.
3/9/08
Good afternoon...
Well this is attempt two at this post since Gabe hopped up here and deleted the first one somehow. Boo.
We are potty training... Right now we have a nakey butt running around the house, but actually making decent progress.
Score:
Pee on the potty: 1
Pee on mommy's floor: 1/2 (as we were running toward toliet)
Pee in tiny potty chair: 0
Pee in pullup: 1
This is my third child so I know this is only the beginning and we have a long road ahead of us. He is only 19 months old, which is young IMO, BUT he a few weeks ago he started saying "Poop" and pointing when he had gone. Last week, he started saying "Pee Pee", then would rip his diaper off and pee wherever he was standing. I figured if he could do those two things, we might as well give it a shot.
What else do we have to do during the Blizzard of 08 anyway??
We did take a short trip out earlier. We ate some salad and pizza, and then stopped and bought potty training supplies. DJ is at work now, and since my Expedition is better in the snow, than his little Honda Civic, I'm basically stuck here b/c he of course, took my 4 wheel drive.
I've done ok eatingwise today. You know, it's funny. You go for days, feeling like a bottomless pit, then bam, out of no where, restriction. I won't try to figure it out, and I surely won't complain about it, but it feels awesome to not feel hungry again. I fear if I dont' get below 150 AND STAY THERE, I may crack! ;)
We are potty training... Right now we have a nakey butt running around the house, but actually making decent progress.
Score:
Pee on the potty: 1
Pee on mommy's floor: 1/2 (as we were running toward toliet)
Pee in tiny potty chair: 0
Pee in pullup: 1
This is my third child so I know this is only the beginning and we have a long road ahead of us. He is only 19 months old, which is young IMO, BUT he a few weeks ago he started saying "Poop" and pointing when he had gone. Last week, he started saying "Pee Pee", then would rip his diaper off and pee wherever he was standing. I figured if he could do those two things, we might as well give it a shot.
What else do we have to do during the Blizzard of 08 anyway??
We did take a short trip out earlier. We ate some salad and pizza, and then stopped and bought potty training supplies. DJ is at work now, and since my Expedition is better in the snow, than his little Honda Civic, I'm basically stuck here b/c he of course, took my 4 wheel drive.
I've done ok eatingwise today. You know, it's funny. You go for days, feeling like a bottomless pit, then bam, out of no where, restriction. I won't try to figure it out, and I surely won't complain about it, but it feels awesome to not feel hungry again. I fear if I dont' get below 150 AND STAY THERE, I may crack! ;)
3/8/08
The heavens opened...
and dropped about 14 inches of snow on us... so far... it's still coming down. Blah! We may not get out of this house again until May! LOL
I have been in hibernation it feels like, eat, sleep, repeat! ;)
My good news?
I got the job I wanted! Woot! It is a PRN position and pays $5 more per hour than what the nursing home in my hometowns pays for the same position!! I am so excited. I call Monday to set up my drug test and physical time and then will have orientation soon after! :) Yay!
DJ is working a ton this week too and so we are going to finally have a huge boost in our financies. I'm excited. We have a plan to pay all of our bills off, get our savings built back up (eventually to 3 months of expenses) and eventually buy a house. All of our goals are finally seeming to be attainable! It's exciting.
We are also taking the kids for night at Kalahari over Easter weekend.
I have been in hibernation it feels like, eat, sleep, repeat! ;)
My good news?
I got the job I wanted! Woot! It is a PRN position and pays $5 more per hour than what the nursing home in my hometowns pays for the same position!! I am so excited. I call Monday to set up my drug test and physical time and then will have orientation soon after! :) Yay!
DJ is working a ton this week too and so we are going to finally have a huge boost in our financies. I'm excited. We have a plan to pay all of our bills off, get our savings built back up (eventually to 3 months of expenses) and eventually buy a house. All of our goals are finally seeming to be attainable! It's exciting.
We are also taking the kids for night at Kalahari over Easter weekend.
3/7/08
Can I just say that....
this was the BEST American Idol performance... I am still watching it... haha!
Exciting News
I went to my interview and I'm pretty confident that I'm going to have the job offered to me today!! Yippee!!
I will post details later after she calls me this afternoon. It's good stuff though I tell ya!!
In other news, there is a *&#(*& snow storm coming in....8-14 inches of snow are being forcasted. Oh my gawd.... Take me somewhere sunny and warm PLEASE!! I am sick of winter. Sick. Of. It. Boo.
I went tanning last night and am going to go again this afternoon. It does help my mood little... I just close my eyes and pretend I'm on a beach somewhere. he he.
I am trying to hang out on WLS boards as much as possible to try to keep myself focused. I am amazed at how much I can eat now. It's like I just woke up one morning and bam! I can eat. It sucks. I did get full quick on chicken the other night, and I can't eat a huge quanity of food at one time, but I definately can get a lot of calories in by grazing... and slider foods. I'm almost 11 months out so I guess I knew this was coming. I already miss those days of being super tight and restricted. And it sucks to actually feel hunger again. I didn't miss it!
There's been a lot of talk about ED and things and WLS and I know I'm another who has dabbled in ED behaviors my entire life. Binge eating being the biggest as well as purging occasionally (but not a ton) and the chew and spit thing from time to time. Ick. I don't think it's a huge problem right now, but last night as I was scanning the kitchen for something. yummy. to. put. in. my. pie. hole. I realized I wasn't even hungry, but I had this URGE to put stuff in my mouth as fast as possible.
Yay. ED. I'm sure of it. Some type of OCD tendency...I have the compulsion over take me to EAT EAT EAT and it is hard to fight! I ended up w/ a spoon in the freezer tasting the strawberry cheesecake ice cream the girls had begged for earlier. I stopped after 3 bites, but, threw a small handful of goldfish in my mouth before leaving the kitchen.
Do all post ops do this?
Sometimes I feel like a failure already b/c I'm still 20 lbs over goal and haven't lost a lb. in 6 weeks. I feel like a failure when I look down and see I've eaten almost all of dinner, after being used to getting full after 2 bites. I feel like a failure when I feel hungry. My mind automatically says, "This time isn't any different than the other bajillion times you've lost weight and you will gain it all back plus some."
ACK!
I thought the beginning of this journey was hard. I was so wrong. THIS is what's hard. I'm almost at goal.. now what?
It's no wonder people regain weight. Besides the inital FORECED weight loss, the rest really is up to us. It isn't a magic pill. It isn't butterflies and sunshine.
It's hardwork. It's facing demons. It's discipling yourself. It's so many things.
I was watching Celebrity Rehab the other night (yeah train wreck from what I've seen) but Dr. Drew said to one of the girls... "Most people I have to convince that they aren't as strong as they think they are. That they are human and will fail if they don't stick w/ the program and the "rules" set before them. But with you, I have to convince you that you are stronger than you think. You are stronger than the *insert vice*... You really, truly are. Now you need to wake up and realize it."
Interesting, and I wonder which group I'm in?
At times, I say I'm strong! I can do this... but then at 11 p.m. I'm hiding in the kitchen w/ a spoon in the ice cream. Other times, I say I'm weak, and crack down on myself only to find that I have a perfect eating day including fluids, vitamins and exercise, but it's motivated by the fear of failure. The next morning it's back to square one again.
I do have to admit though, that I have made some HUGE lifestyle changes for me and our entire family. I am buying more healthier foods and less junk. I am cooking more, and cooking healthier, using more whole, organic ingredients and really trying to be present in what I eat and in what my family is eating.
I refuse to feed my kids fast food if I can help it and when we do out they eat fruit instead of fries and drink milk instead of pop. I am making progress.
In all of this, my motivation has been weight loss, but now I need to switch my focus more to health, and honestly I think that may help w/ my struggles w/ eating/ not eating. Perhaps, if I say to myself, "Amber this ice cream is not healthy for your body. Drink some hot tea instead." I will do it, for my health. I know that saying, "Hey Fatty, if you eat this, you are going to be up 5 lbs on the scale tomorrow" doesn't stop me. In fact, it makes it worse.
Mind set! Mind set. Mind set?
Right?
Oh, it's a never ending battle, but I promise to myself that even if I'm not perfect, I won't stop trying to win this battle. It will be lifelong, but in the end I want to look back and know that I fought back. That I tried. That I cared enough about me and my family to take a stand against these food demons.
And on that note, I'm off to get Abby off the bus and make lunch. :)
I will post details later after she calls me this afternoon. It's good stuff though I tell ya!!
In other news, there is a *&#(*& snow storm coming in....8-14 inches of snow are being forcasted. Oh my gawd.... Take me somewhere sunny and warm PLEASE!! I am sick of winter. Sick. Of. It. Boo.
I went tanning last night and am going to go again this afternoon. It does help my mood little... I just close my eyes and pretend I'm on a beach somewhere. he he.
I am trying to hang out on WLS boards as much as possible to try to keep myself focused. I am amazed at how much I can eat now. It's like I just woke up one morning and bam! I can eat. It sucks. I did get full quick on chicken the other night, and I can't eat a huge quanity of food at one time, but I definately can get a lot of calories in by grazing... and slider foods. I'm almost 11 months out so I guess I knew this was coming. I already miss those days of being super tight and restricted. And it sucks to actually feel hunger again. I didn't miss it!
There's been a lot of talk about ED and things and WLS and I know I'm another who has dabbled in ED behaviors my entire life. Binge eating being the biggest as well as purging occasionally (but not a ton) and the chew and spit thing from time to time. Ick. I don't think it's a huge problem right now, but last night as I was scanning the kitchen for something. yummy. to. put. in. my. pie. hole. I realized I wasn't even hungry, but I had this URGE to put stuff in my mouth as fast as possible.
Yay. ED. I'm sure of it. Some type of OCD tendency...I have the compulsion over take me to EAT EAT EAT and it is hard to fight! I ended up w/ a spoon in the freezer tasting the strawberry cheesecake ice cream the girls had begged for earlier. I stopped after 3 bites, but, threw a small handful of goldfish in my mouth before leaving the kitchen.
Do all post ops do this?
Sometimes I feel like a failure already b/c I'm still 20 lbs over goal and haven't lost a lb. in 6 weeks. I feel like a failure when I look down and see I've eaten almost all of dinner, after being used to getting full after 2 bites. I feel like a failure when I feel hungry. My mind automatically says, "This time isn't any different than the other bajillion times you've lost weight and you will gain it all back plus some."
ACK!
I thought the beginning of this journey was hard. I was so wrong. THIS is what's hard. I'm almost at goal.. now what?
It's no wonder people regain weight. Besides the inital FORECED weight loss, the rest really is up to us. It isn't a magic pill. It isn't butterflies and sunshine.
It's hardwork. It's facing demons. It's discipling yourself. It's so many things.
I was watching Celebrity Rehab the other night (yeah train wreck from what I've seen) but Dr. Drew said to one of the girls... "Most people I have to convince that they aren't as strong as they think they are. That they are human and will fail if they don't stick w/ the program and the "rules" set before them. But with you, I have to convince you that you are stronger than you think. You are stronger than the *insert vice*... You really, truly are. Now you need to wake up and realize it."
Interesting, and I wonder which group I'm in?
At times, I say I'm strong! I can do this... but then at 11 p.m. I'm hiding in the kitchen w/ a spoon in the ice cream. Other times, I say I'm weak, and crack down on myself only to find that I have a perfect eating day including fluids, vitamins and exercise, but it's motivated by the fear of failure. The next morning it's back to square one again.
I do have to admit though, that I have made some HUGE lifestyle changes for me and our entire family. I am buying more healthier foods and less junk. I am cooking more, and cooking healthier, using more whole, organic ingredients and really trying to be present in what I eat and in what my family is eating.
I refuse to feed my kids fast food if I can help it and when we do out they eat fruit instead of fries and drink milk instead of pop. I am making progress.
In all of this, my motivation has been weight loss, but now I need to switch my focus more to health, and honestly I think that may help w/ my struggles w/ eating/ not eating. Perhaps, if I say to myself, "Amber this ice cream is not healthy for your body. Drink some hot tea instead." I will do it, for my health. I know that saying, "Hey Fatty, if you eat this, you are going to be up 5 lbs on the scale tomorrow" doesn't stop me. In fact, it makes it worse.
Mind set! Mind set. Mind set?
Right?
Oh, it's a never ending battle, but I promise to myself that even if I'm not perfect, I won't stop trying to win this battle. It will be lifelong, but in the end I want to look back and know that I fought back. That I tried. That I cared enough about me and my family to take a stand against these food demons.
And on that note, I'm off to get Abby off the bus and make lunch. :)
3/5/08
A light at the end of the tunnel...
My moments of feeling headachy and having dizzy spells are lessening and I am so glad. I've felt pretty good for most of the day today. I've still taken it easy but I think I am making some progress finally in this medicine withdrawl deal. Thank God.
The kids were home from school again today b/c of a huge ice storm that moved in during the night last night. I'm sure they'll head back tomorrow though. I also have my interview tomorrow afternoon. DJ is on super overtime this week and during the weekend so I am hoping I keep feeling better and better everyday so that I will be ok with the kids here alone.
Eating today hasn't been wonderful. I'm probably going to end up around 1500 calories b/c of a small problem staying out of the Cheezits today. Luckily they are gone and aren't there to tempt me anymore. I did however on the other hand, manage to get in about 60 oz of fluids so far and still have 4 hrs before bed to drink more so that is a plus. :)
Not much else going on besides the usual. I did get into a heated arguement today w/ one my closet friends b/c she decided that I wasnt' giving enough to the relationship and that I've changed too much adn that she doesn't know me anymore... After an hour and thirty minute conversation we finally worked things out, but it wasnt' pretty. I stood my ground though and let her know that I wasn't letting ppl walk on me anymore and if they didn't like who I am now, then tough.
I hate that it has to come to that point with some people, but honestly, there are some who just are not happy with the changes. They liked me being weak and easily swayed. I would say or do anything to make peace even if that meant selling myself out. That has ended and some of my friends don't like it. Guess they have to deal or find a new friend. Right?
Anyway...
OH! American Idol last night!! David Cook... Omg... AWESOME!!! I LOVED it. I didn't care for that guy one bit before last night, but when I watched that performance I was in tears. It was probably one of the best performances I've seen on American Idol EVER. My other favorite performances are.... Kelly Clarkson singing, "A Moment Like This", Fantasia singing, "Summertime", Jennifer Hudson, "I Have Nothing", Blake Lewis, "You Give Love A Bad Name", and now add this one... David Cook, "Hello".
:) Just my opinions.
The kids were home from school again today b/c of a huge ice storm that moved in during the night last night. I'm sure they'll head back tomorrow though. I also have my interview tomorrow afternoon. DJ is on super overtime this week and during the weekend so I am hoping I keep feeling better and better everyday so that I will be ok with the kids here alone.
Eating today hasn't been wonderful. I'm probably going to end up around 1500 calories b/c of a small problem staying out of the Cheezits today. Luckily they are gone and aren't there to tempt me anymore. I did however on the other hand, manage to get in about 60 oz of fluids so far and still have 4 hrs before bed to drink more so that is a plus. :)
Not much else going on besides the usual. I did get into a heated arguement today w/ one my closet friends b/c she decided that I wasnt' giving enough to the relationship and that I've changed too much adn that she doesn't know me anymore... After an hour and thirty minute conversation we finally worked things out, but it wasnt' pretty. I stood my ground though and let her know that I wasn't letting ppl walk on me anymore and if they didn't like who I am now, then tough.
I hate that it has to come to that point with some people, but honestly, there are some who just are not happy with the changes. They liked me being weak and easily swayed. I would say or do anything to make peace even if that meant selling myself out. That has ended and some of my friends don't like it. Guess they have to deal or find a new friend. Right?
Anyway...
OH! American Idol last night!! David Cook... Omg... AWESOME!!! I LOVED it. I didn't care for that guy one bit before last night, but when I watched that performance I was in tears. It was probably one of the best performances I've seen on American Idol EVER. My other favorite performances are.... Kelly Clarkson singing, "A Moment Like This", Fantasia singing, "Summertime", Jennifer Hudson, "I Have Nothing", Blake Lewis, "You Give Love A Bad Name", and now add this one... David Cook, "Hello".
:) Just my opinions.
3/4/08
Can I just say, I don't know what the heck is going on...
I swear I am going through Effexor withdrawl and it is horrible. On top of that I also suspect we are passing a bug around this house. Hannah came home from school this afternoon with a horrible headache. I've had a headache since last Friday. Non-stop, and I'm getting pissed.
I'm so irratated right now...aggitated....on edge. I feel like I could snap and go bonkers any moment. I can't stand anyone touching me or even talking to me for that matter.
UGH! Stupid medicine!! This is not me. Today is day 5....According to what I've read.. most withdraw ends around day 14. I'm not even half way.
I did read where someone took Benedryl to help w/ the headache/dizziness/weirdness and since I also woke up totally congested this morning (related to withdraw or a cold..??) I decided it wouldn't hurt to try. Amazingly, after taking it I felt mostly ok and got up and made dinner. Now, that is when the aggitation set in, but the dizziness is better. I'll be so glad when this is over and I swear to God I will never blindly take a medicine again. I don't care what it is. THIS sucks.
We are getting an ice storm tonight, and with my luck the kids will be out of school and home all day tomorrow. Oh my gawd. I will definately have to pull out the puzzles and board games and movies and anything else I can find to keep them busy. Winter needs to end.
Now for some positive news... I was 149 on the scale this a.m. and my food intake has been awesome the last couple days. Go me. :)
I'm so irratated right now...aggitated....on edge. I feel like I could snap and go bonkers any moment. I can't stand anyone touching me or even talking to me for that matter.
UGH! Stupid medicine!! This is not me. Today is day 5....According to what I've read.. most withdraw ends around day 14. I'm not even half way.
I did read where someone took Benedryl to help w/ the headache/dizziness/weirdness and since I also woke up totally congested this morning (related to withdraw or a cold..??) I decided it wouldn't hurt to try. Amazingly, after taking it I felt mostly ok and got up and made dinner. Now, that is when the aggitation set in, but the dizziness is better. I'll be so glad when this is over and I swear to God I will never blindly take a medicine again. I don't care what it is. THIS sucks.
We are getting an ice storm tonight, and with my luck the kids will be out of school and home all day tomorrow. Oh my gawd. I will definately have to pull out the puzzles and board games and movies and anything else I can find to keep them busy. Winter needs to end.
Now for some positive news... I was 149 on the scale this a.m. and my food intake has been awesome the last couple days. Go me. :)
3/3/08
The Plague...
So the horrible headache, body aches, and overall sick feeling I had Friday and Saturday may not have medicine withdrawl afterall! It is some sort of weird flu. DJ has it now. The headache, the dizziness, the icky feeling... all of it. And Hannah woke up this morning, complaining that her head is "pounding"... Here we go again. One plus, is that I feel totally better now and yesterday I felt better as the day went on... It seems to be a 24-48 hr. thing. Whatever it is. Blah! I'm just happy there is no puke involved this time!
The scale was kind to me this morning. 150.4. Yay! We are going in the right direction again friends!
I put a lot of effort into getting in all of my vitamins and meds this weekend and plan to keep that going. I also plan on buckling down on my plan today too. I plan on re-reading those 8 points in my last post. They really hit home w/ me and I plan on putting them into action in my life. I will drink 64 oz of water today, plus my other beverages and I will not snack or eat junk carbs.
Here's the plan:
b: coffee, weight control oatmeal
l: turkey, cheese and mustard--1 harb boiled egg--a few bites of fruit
d: chicken and zucchini thing :)
I will post totals at the end of the day!
The treadmill is calling my name too. I plan on doing at least 15 mins and will work towards getting back up to my 2 miles that I was doing when I first had surgery.
It's a new day! :)
Good luck everyone!
The scale was kind to me this morning. 150.4. Yay! We are going in the right direction again friends!
I put a lot of effort into getting in all of my vitamins and meds this weekend and plan to keep that going. I also plan on buckling down on my plan today too. I plan on re-reading those 8 points in my last post. They really hit home w/ me and I plan on putting them into action in my life. I will drink 64 oz of water today, plus my other beverages and I will not snack or eat junk carbs.
Here's the plan:
b: coffee, weight control oatmeal
l: turkey, cheese and mustard--1 harb boiled egg--a few bites of fruit
d: chicken and zucchini thing :)
I will post totals at the end of the day!
The treadmill is calling my name too. I plan on doing at least 15 mins and will work towards getting back up to my 2 miles that I was doing when I first had surgery.
It's a new day! :)
Good luck everyone!
3/2/08
Good Stuff...
While reading another sassy sisters blog I found this and want to share.
From the book: Judith Beck, The Beck Diet Solution.
1) Confusing hunger with the desire to eat. Solution: learn the difference between true physical hunger and cravings that are triggered by the sight, smell or thought of food.
2) Have a low tolerance for hunger and cravings. Solution: learn that the desire to eat is not an emergency and does not have to be immediately satisfied.
3) Enjoying the feeling of being very full. Solution: learn to change your mindset so that you feel good about being reasonably full at the end of a meal.
4) Fooling yourself about how much you are eating. Solution: learn to respond to the voice in your head that tells you that crumbs on the cake plate, eating over the sink, eating on vacation, etc. really doesn't count and the voice that says 'since I strayed from my diet, I may as well blow the whole day and go get a pizza.'
5) Comforting yourself with food. Solution: learn to calm yourself in other ways; distraction, relaxation, try to solve the problems associated with the negative emotions in the first place.
6) Feeling helpless and hopeless with you gain weight. Solution: learn that you don't have to make yourself feel demoralized when you go off your plan and learn how to quickly recommit to your diet.
7) Focusing on issues of 'unfairness" (that others can eat lots of food and not seem to have a weight problem). Solution: Realize that thin people who don't have to work at staying thin generally have small appetities, don't eat unless they are hungry and get sufficient exercise. They rest of them are incredibly careful about what they eat. Learn to accept the new ways of eating you have to impose on yourself to reap the rewards of losing weight.
8) Stopping dieting once weight is lost. Solution: This just leads to yo-yo weight gain if you go back to the eating patterns you had before. Lifetime skills to maintain weight loss are planning what you eat, choosing healthy foods, resisting cravings, soothing yourself without turning to food, using good eating habits, exercising and countering sabotaging thoughts that would otherwise lead to overeating, demoralization and giving up.
From the book: Judith Beck, The Beck Diet Solution.
1) Confusing hunger with the desire to eat. Solution: learn the difference between true physical hunger and cravings that are triggered by the sight, smell or thought of food.
2) Have a low tolerance for hunger and cravings. Solution: learn that the desire to eat is not an emergency and does not have to be immediately satisfied.
3) Enjoying the feeling of being very full. Solution: learn to change your mindset so that you feel good about being reasonably full at the end of a meal.
4) Fooling yourself about how much you are eating. Solution: learn to respond to the voice in your head that tells you that crumbs on the cake plate, eating over the sink, eating on vacation, etc. really doesn't count and the voice that says 'since I strayed from my diet, I may as well blow the whole day and go get a pizza.'
5) Comforting yourself with food. Solution: learn to calm yourself in other ways; distraction, relaxation, try to solve the problems associated with the negative emotions in the first place.
6) Feeling helpless and hopeless with you gain weight. Solution: learn that you don't have to make yourself feel demoralized when you go off your plan and learn how to quickly recommit to your diet.
7) Focusing on issues of 'unfairness" (that others can eat lots of food and not seem to have a weight problem). Solution: Realize that thin people who don't have to work at staying thin generally have small appetities, don't eat unless they are hungry and get sufficient exercise. They rest of them are incredibly careful about what they eat. Learn to accept the new ways of eating you have to impose on yourself to reap the rewards of losing weight.
8) Stopping dieting once weight is lost. Solution: This just leads to yo-yo weight gain if you go back to the eating patterns you had before. Lifetime skills to maintain weight loss are planning what you eat, choosing healthy foods, resisting cravings, soothing yourself without turning to food, using good eating habits, exercising and countering sabotaging thoughts that would otherwise lead to overeating, demoralization and giving up.
Lazy Sunday
My favorite day of the week. :)
I hopped on the scale this a.m. 151.8. I'll take it. I'm off the Effexor completely now at this point. I haven't take a pill for two days now and I'm ok, considering the other things I've been "sick" with this week. Yesterday, I had a horrible horrible headache, and now this a.m. I've got a nice rebound headache from all the pain meds I took yesterday. Blah. So...I started the Wellbutrin though and I think that is helping me not have horrible withdraw. Thank God.
I started back on my daily vitamins regimine. I had slacked on it and was only taking a multivitamin and B12 most days. Now I'm back to calcium, D3 and B12 in the a.m. and then multi, iron and my meds at night.
I'm also going on day 3 of no smoking. Yay me! I feel like I'm getting back on the right track now. Next, I'm really going to focus on getting my protein in and keeping my hands out of the junk food. Thank god my tool is working or I'm sure I would've had a huge gain by now, considering all the snacking I've done lately while on that med. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel though!
DJ's sister and her husband and kids came over last night and we really had a nice night. We took the kids to a pizza place and then came back to our house and hung out and then later watched a movie. The kids were pretty good although Timmy bit Gabe on the face and left a huge mark. Poor baby. The boys are only 3 weeks apart so I'm sure this is just one of the many injuries they'll give each other in the next 18 years. ;)
I hopped on the scale this a.m. 151.8. I'll take it. I'm off the Effexor completely now at this point. I haven't take a pill for two days now and I'm ok, considering the other things I've been "sick" with this week. Yesterday, I had a horrible horrible headache, and now this a.m. I've got a nice rebound headache from all the pain meds I took yesterday. Blah. So...I started the Wellbutrin though and I think that is helping me not have horrible withdraw. Thank God.
I started back on my daily vitamins regimine. I had slacked on it and was only taking a multivitamin and B12 most days. Now I'm back to calcium, D3 and B12 in the a.m. and then multi, iron and my meds at night.
I'm also going on day 3 of no smoking. Yay me! I feel like I'm getting back on the right track now. Next, I'm really going to focus on getting my protein in and keeping my hands out of the junk food. Thank god my tool is working or I'm sure I would've had a huge gain by now, considering all the snacking I've done lately while on that med. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel though!
DJ's sister and her husband and kids came over last night and we really had a nice night. We took the kids to a pizza place and then came back to our house and hung out and then later watched a movie. The kids were pretty good although Timmy bit Gabe on the face and left a huge mark. Poor baby. The boys are only 3 weeks apart so I'm sure this is just one of the many injuries they'll give each other in the next 18 years. ;)
3/1/08
I haven't smoked a whole cig since last Monday and during that time I lit up twice, but put it out both times after 1 or 2 puffs. Yesterday and today I've had nothing so I'm good to go!
I still feel sick. I had a terrible migraine hit this a.m. Blah! The UTI feels better though and TOM has left the building, so by tomorrow I should be feeling much better. I have noticed some dizziness today on and off, but I think adding the Wellbutrin while stopping the Effexor is alieviating some of the withdraw symptoms. I sure hope so.
Food hasn't been great today. I had a shake, a latte, hot tea, 1/2 can of dt. dew, some teddy grahams, a laughing cow cheese wedge w/ 4 ritz crackers, a bite of boiled cabbage, a svg of cinnamon sunchips, a lean pocket, and a couple bites of cinnamon toast crunch cereal. Blah. Talk about grazing. I, of course, did not eat this all at once, it was just little trips to the kitchen here and there and before I knew it, within 3 hrs. it was down the hatch. This, my friends, is why grazing is BAD BAD BAD. I'm not even feeling hungry. Just bored and sick and looking for comfort. Old habits die hard. BUT, at least I am recognizing it and trying to stop it. The rest of day will be supper and no snacking.
I still feel sick. I had a terrible migraine hit this a.m. Blah! The UTI feels better though and TOM has left the building, so by tomorrow I should be feeling much better. I have noticed some dizziness today on and off, but I think adding the Wellbutrin while stopping the Effexor is alieviating some of the withdraw symptoms. I sure hope so.
Food hasn't been great today. I had a shake, a latte, hot tea, 1/2 can of dt. dew, some teddy grahams, a laughing cow cheese wedge w/ 4 ritz crackers, a bite of boiled cabbage, a svg of cinnamon sunchips, a lean pocket, and a couple bites of cinnamon toast crunch cereal. Blah. Talk about grazing. I, of course, did not eat this all at once, it was just little trips to the kitchen here and there and before I knew it, within 3 hrs. it was down the hatch. This, my friends, is why grazing is BAD BAD BAD. I'm not even feeling hungry. Just bored and sick and looking for comfort. Old habits die hard. BUT, at least I am recognizing it and trying to stop it. The rest of day will be supper and no snacking.
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